They Came Together

They Came Together: Horrible

I Justin Polizzi have decided to Kill Myself, This is my last will and testament.

Why?

Because I watched this film, I don't wanna live anymore.

----- 83 mins before the suicide -----

So one moment I'm trying to pick a film to review.

Hey, They Came Together, okay that looks good. Hey look at all of the people in this film!

Wow this is going to be a fun film. Boy was I wrong. Now before someone goes, "You didn't get it!" No I got it, its a spoof and that was accomplished. What wasn't accomplished was the fact it is also a comedy. It's not funny, just not my type I guess. I really feel cheated here, like just because we're all friends lets throw together a poorly made film. It's a shame so many good films get passed up for stuff like this to make a terrible film on purpose. There is a scene where Christopher Meloni shits himself and blames it on someone else. Like the whole scene is pointless and just shows how stupid this film is. Here is another one, Paul Rudd goes to a bar and the bartender comes over and we have the same two lines repeated over and over for a solid 5 mins.

It's a shame, the trailer is good, watching the movie is another thing. They just didn't try, and that sadness me.

Rudd and Poehler are good, that I'll say.

David Wain says, "It's a really stupid romance comedy".... Man I guess he did set out to make it like that. 

They just drop the comedy part.

Was I too harsh? Maybe Im just spoofing a bad review...we may never know.

Read More

Nature Calls

Nature Calls: Ouch

79 min  -  Comedy (?)  -  2012

So one night a friend and I went on Netflix looking for a film to watch. You know, late night snacking with a “funny” movie playing, drinking beers and pissing the night away. When we finished watching this film we both could not help but wonder why we watched the whole damn thing. It’s such a crappy film, I think we both were in a shocked state of mind.

Polar-opposite brothers Randy and Kirk never saw eye-to-eye, but their rivalry is taken to a new level when Randy hijacks Kirk's son's sleepover, taking the boys on a Scout Trip to remember. (IMDB)

So why does this film suck so much?

It’s a comedy film that has maybe 12 seconds of funny in it. Out of the 79mins only 12 seconds is funny? Well I’m not sure how that can be counted as a comedy film.

I mean, Schindler’s List was funnier…

With a cast like Nature Calls I think I’m angrier that it’s as bad as it is.

Patton Oswalt, Johnny Knoxville, Rob Riggie, Darrell Hammond and Patrice O’Neal (his last film).

And this film still sucks? I like the story, the actors but the script just wasn’t ready and maybe could have been worked on by its awesome cast.

If you come across it one night, Skip it.

Read More

Holiday Hangover: A Haunted House

A Haunted House: Comedy?
2013, 86mins, Comedy/Horror

There comes a time, when a moviegoer just gives up after watching a film like this at their local theater.


Keep in mind please, ticket prices are pretty high these days. I believe it cost me something like 15 bucks to see this movie. I could use that cash on a few good blu-rays then a shitty film... Did I want to see this film, NO.

Did the group I was with, in a democratic vote choose, "A Haunted House", YES.

Is this film good, Nope.

Better then the last Scary Movies, Sure, Maybe who the hell knows?
Really who the hell cares at this point?

I don't know, shit like this kills the joy of going to the theater with friends anymore.

Is it a comedy? Yes it is, but its not funny, so is it still a comedy? Hell I have no idea anymore. They spent $2.5 million on making a script that has no reason to be made. A 8 year old kid with that money could draw up a better film on there tablet then Marlon Wayans and Rick Alvarez "wrote" on paper.

Just skip it...please save your money and time.

Read More