(Ep. 118): Mystery Movie 2 - Movie Commentary: April 2019

So last time we tried something new, something mysterious, something crazy!

The people responded and wanted more or we're just untalented hacks...anyway we did it again!

Matt and Justin watch a movie just in-time for another movie that's due out April 5. Wow a movie commentary tie-in? Kinda...But unlike last time, both Matt and Justin have seen this film before.

Sure, it may be just a one off type of film but damn its really mysterious is it not?


So join Matt as he joins DJ in a movie commentary like none other...a mystery movie...eh movie commentary!?

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(Ep. 112): If Looks Could Kill - Movie Commentary: Novemeber 2018

If Looks Could Kill

1991 Action Comedy 1hr 28m

Before he can graduate, cocky high school student Michael Corben (Richard Grieco) travels to France on a school trip to earn a missing French credit. But when a British intelligence agent mistakes Michael for a spy of the same name, they rush him to headquarters and assign him to capture the evil Augustus Steranko (Roger Rees), using a plethora of espionage gadgetry. Michael has the time of his life -- until he crosses paths with two assassins (Tom Rack, Carole Davis) who want him dead.

Director: William Dear

Story by: Fred Dekker 

 Why? Because why not! Open that bottle of wine you keep thinking about and spend a lovely evening with DJ, Matt, Justin and the God that is Richard Grieco. Feast your eyes upon the Grieco and say goodbye to your family, because looks can kill!

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Analysis This

Analysis This is a solid film that delivers something not really seen in theaters these days, character driven comedy. It’s a satisfying picture directed by Harold Ramis with Billy Crystal and Robert De Niro showing us what we miss.

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(Ep. 106): Ring of the Musketeers - Movie Commentary: July 2018

Ring of the Musketeers

PG-13 1992 ‧ Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 26m

As descendants of the original Three Musketeers, Peter Porthos (Thomas Gottschalk), John Smith D'Artagnan (David Hasselhoff) and Anne-Marie Athos (Alison Doody) are continuing the chivalrous tradition of protecting those who can't protect themselves, carrying it into the modern age. Rather than fighting lords and counts, these Musketeers have the Mafia to deal with, but they're aided by reformed burglar Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin), the newly knighted fourth Musketeer.

Initial release: December 1, 1992 (Germany)
Director: John Paragon
Production company: Motion Picture Corporation of America
Screenplay: John Paragon, Joel Surnow
Producers:Brad Krevoy, Steven Stabler

Plug that VHS player back in! It time for some David Hasselhoff! That's right, today we watch the Ring of the Musketeers. A made for TV film that... well... nobody remembers.  But when you have a modern day (90's) Musketeers film that has a cast that contains the Hoff, Cheech Marin, Alison Doody, John Rhys-Davies, Corbin Bernsen, Timothy Stack, Ricky Jay and Branscombe Richmond. You pretty much stop whatever you are doing and pop this VHS in.

So fix that tracking and enjoy that mono audio (yes this VHS wasn't in stereo) and repeat, Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno! Because we do this together ladies and gents! This is the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary of Ring of the Musketeers!

                       

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(Ep. 103): House 2: The Second Story - Movie Commentary: May 2018

House II: The Second Story

PG-13 1987 ‧ Adventure/Horror ‧ 1h 28m

A man (Arye Gross) and his friend (Jonathan Stark) exhume an ancestor (Royal Dano) in the house 

where his parents were killed.

Initial release: August 28, 1987

Director: Ethan Wiley

Budget: 3 million USD

Producer: Sean S. Cunningham

Production company: New World Pictures

 
Well you can't say we don't love you. Today Matt and Justin watch a movie from the Lister requested submissions. Sometimes we find fun and enjoyable films, that ether we never watched or never heard of. But that isn't always the case. Ep. 103 we cross off another one, House 2: The Second Story. A film not watched by the two in a collective 30 plus years. What we found out is its not as good as we once remembered.

House 2 is under the horror genre which is a lie. Eventhough it is a sequel to the 1986 film House, House 2 does not involve the storyline and character from the first film, including the horror feel. House 2 is supernatural fantasy "comedy". 

Frankly its a mess of a film. If you haven't already watched the first House then skip this and check House.

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(Ep. 93): Killer Klowns from Outer Space - Movie Commentary: October 2017

Killer Klowns from Outer Space

PG-13 ‧ 1988 ‧ Science fiction film/Cult film ‧ 1h 28m

When teenagers Mike (Grant Cramer) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder) see a comet crash outside their sleepy small town, they investigate and discover a pack of murderous aliens who look very much like circus clowns. They try to warn the local authorities, but everyone assumes their story is a prank. Meanwhile, the clowns set about harvesting and eating as many people as they can. It's not until they kidnap Debbie that Mike decides it's up to him to stop the clowns' bloody rampage.
Release date: May 20, 1988 (USA)

What could be better then watching some Killer Klowns this Halloween!? Well with the Simplistic Reviews crew! Join us as we watch a movie that was made to be wacky and goof, yet its still better then half the shit that comes out today! So grab that frankenberry! Pour some of that Halloween themed choice of beer because... this Movie Commentary is gonna scare your socks off!

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CUTTING ROOM FLOOR - From Podcast Ep. 78 (Part 1 of 2)

Part 1 of 2 from Podcast Ep. 78 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!

Topic "EPIC!"

Podcast 78

On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump...A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump...Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman...oh and we also genuflect to our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf...all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn't a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump's real name is Drumpf...these are facts.

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SR Podcast (Ep.67) Police Academy 4 - Movie Commentary: April 2016

Ready for another Police Academy Movie Commentary?

Nether are we...

But hey this is the last movie in the series and without a doubt better then that last one. 

So for that last time (Thank God)

Grab that popcorn, get ready for dick jokes and enjoy the fact that there is no more Comdt. Mauser

Ladies and Gentlemen this is...

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol

1987 | 1hr 28min | Comedy

We are finally done! Every Single Police Academy Film has been commented on by the gang at Simplistic Reviews.

Every Single One...

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SR Podcast (Ep. 55): Hard Ticket To Hawaii - Movie Commentary: September 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Today's Sunday Movie is...

Hard Ticket to Hawaii

96mins / Action / 1987

There are films that come and go. Great films that missed the limelight and never get the recognition they deserve.

Then there is Hard Ticket To Hawaii, a film that's not amazing but we are glad it was made. It's a crazy film that feels like they honestly just run and gun it. And even though this film isn't perfect, it is one fun film to watch.

Check out Slaughter Film's Review

Action Movie Time Machine - Hard Ticket to Hawaii

It's a film jam packed full of Bullets, Boobs and Explosions! 

What more can you ask for?

 Show Notes

Watch the film with us

Read the Slaughter Film Review


Music Notes

Theme Song

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SR Podcast (Ep. 52): Never Too Young To Die - Movie Commentary: August 2015

A secret agent is murdered! 

Can his son, a high school gymnast, along with a spy catch the man/woman who killed him? 

Team up with DJ and Justin to find out on the next Monday Night Movie Night!

Never Too Young To Die

92 mins / Action / 1986

Secret agent Drew Stargrove is brutally murdered by the ruthless Van Ragnar. In this action-packed Bond-style thriller, the murdered secret agent's son, Lance Stargrove is thrust into the dangerous and intriguing world of secret agents and espionage when he seeks revenge against Van Ragnar. Danja Deerling teams up with Lance as his sidekick and love interest. 

Watch along with the film HERE

Taglines to tickle your fancy!

Stargrove: the new American hero.

Vanity: the new breed of temptress! Stamos: the new breed of hero!

At the age of 18, every government agency wanted him... dead or alive.

He inherited all his father's enemies and only one of his friends.

Action: Bond style. Beauty: Vanity style. Hero: American style.

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SR Podcast (Ep. 48): Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment - Movie Commentary - May 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

It's Monday 
Movie Night
Movie Commentary!

Police Academy 2: 
Their First Assignment

1985 / Comedy / 87 mins

We already watched the classic Police Academy. 

So now we continue this marathon with its sequel Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment.

Many movie franchises have had equality or superior sequels. Movie franchises like The Godfather, The Dark Knight, Star Wars. Police Academy 2 is not one of them. In fact its the complete opposite and is a pretty bad film with only one good take away, Zed.

So sit back with the popcorn as we try to get though by having a few laughs at the expense of this weak sequel.

Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Letterboxd, and Pinterest

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SR Podcast (Ep. 44): Police Academy - Movie Commentary: April 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Today is movie commentary day! Today we watch the one and only Police Academy.

There isn't another movie in the likes of Police Academy. I mean how many movies include a human soundboard, extreme racism, a man in a horses ass and a surprise blow job to a 100 year old man (that could possibly be or not be by Steve Guttenberg).

Sounds like the perfect ingredients for the perfect film right? Well it is one of the funniest comedies ever made. So cue up that VHS copy of Police Academy and prepare to laugh at one of the more ridiculous comedies ever made.


 SHOW NOTES
Vampire Academy Joke

Police Academy - Trailer

Police Academy - Theme Song

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SR Podcast (Ep. 42): Nobody's Perfect - Movie Commentary: March 2015

Thursday Movie Night!

Tonight's Movie Commentary is a little unknown film called

Nobody's Perfect

1990 - PG13 - 90mins - Comedy

Starring the famous Lowe brother, Chad Lowe. Nobody's Perfect is about Stephen (possibly looking for a way to cross dress) is a tennis loving college student you falls for Shelly a chick who apparently can't pick the right guys. To get closer Stephen becomes Stephanie to befriend Shelly. It's all wacky fun from there...oh and rape.

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SR Podcast (Ep. 33): Planes, Trains and Automobiles - Movie Commentary: November 2014

So it’s Thanksgiving when everyone is thankful. Here at Simplistic Reviews we’re thankful for some great films including some really crappy ones. But this time we decided today was the best to explore one the greatest films Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

Everyone come! Sit around the table. Pour a glass of whatever wets your whistle.

Grab your turkey and stuffing, and make sure you save some room for a SR Movie Commentary!

Today we explore the greatness that is John Hughes and touch up on our geography. We will laugh and shed a tear. We’ll talk about a fantastic soundtrack and do you have any room for some Bacon, some Kevin Bacon!?!?

Everyone sit around the fire and let’s listen to Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary of Planes, Trains and Automobiles!

Eh well maybe you shouldn’t listen to this SR Movie Commentary with the family at Thanksgiving…or should you? Only one way to find out right?

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Letterboxd, and Pinterest

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Forgotten Gems: 50/50

SEEDS

50/50 - Seeds

Can a film about cancer be funny?  Normally, it's one of those topics that Hollywood tends to stay away from when it comes to comedy.  Sure, you have "Terms of Endearment" which is thought of as one of the best films in the last 30 years, but cancer doesn't always equal comedy.  While I won't consider "50/50" in the same class of "Terms" it's still a film that takes the subject of cancer, and disease in general, and combines it with humor, though sometimes crass, and hope.  It also plants the seeds for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, where you really get to see him act in a big time way.

"50/50" is the story of Adam, a twentysomething working at a NPR-like radio station in Seattle. Cutting to the chase, after visiting a doctor for some unexplained aches and pains he learns that he has a rare type of cancer (isn't it always a rare type of cancer in any film?)  With the help of his friend Kyle, Adam tries to look on the bright side of life even with his personal life crumbling around him as well as his well-intentioned mother's constantly harassment, and father dealing with Alzheimer's Disease.  When it rains it pours, I guess?

The film also stars Anna Kendrick as Adam's psychologist, Katherine, who I think does a fine job and adds something special to "50/50."  What I will add is that I'm a little confused about all the hate that Kendrick gets for the roles she takes.  I mean she's no Jennifer Lawrence, but she's just as awkward as J-Law, but people take her as a bitch for some reason.  She only has a handful of roles to her credit, including an Academy Award nominated performance for her first *real* role in "Up In the Air" but I'm not sure why so many people complain about her acting.  She has her own style, and despite the fact that several of the characters that she plays are moody or quirky-outsider types in the early 20's, I think she does the best she does with the writing that is provided for her.  As for her performance in "50/50" Kendrick continues to show that when given material she can really shine, see "End of Watch" for further evidence that she has a bright future as a new type of "the girl next door."

Moving away from my Anna Kendrick rant and back to "50/50,"  the other thing that struck me with the film is the honesty in which cancer is dealt with.  While at heart the film is a "comedy" there are some real human elements to the film, namely unexpected loss, coming to grips with situations you have no control over, and re-establishing old relationships, and building new ones.  Gordon-Levitt conveys an honest performance and is still able to pull a few decent laughs from a situation that rarely leaves room for humor.  Seth Rogen, usually the funniest guy in the room, manages to still be the comic relief of the film, but he shows some of his acting chops as a friend who is trying to turn his friend's tragedy into his own gain, but still show some compassion as a best friend.

Overall, "50/50" is a fine film that shines a light on a disease that most people try to stray away from.  To be honest, I think there are more films about the plight of people suffering from AIDS then people suffering from cancer, a far more relatable disease to be honest with you.  I'm sure in our lives we have met someone, been friends with, or have had a family member that has fought cancer.  Of course I'm not taking anything away from people who suffer from HIV/AIDS, but Hollywood seems to make have a "mythic" obsession with the AIDS virus, while cancer is almost a dirty word to most people.  So, if you've yet to see "50/50" it's certainly worth a watch just to see some young actors dealing with, and executing some of the heaviest acting that most of them had to deal with up to that point.

*I don't consider anything "Twilight" related a real role by an actor or actress that wants to be taken serious.

Fun Fact:  Actors Matt Frewer and Philip Baker Hall have both played cancer patients in previous films Watchmen and Magnolia, respectively.

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This is Halloween: Hocus Pocus

Hocus Pocus: Immortal

96mins/Family-Comedy/1993

As a kid growing up in the 90's things were pretty awesome in the world of film and TV. Disney had a gold mine of 90's kids movies that became instant classics to us of the 90's and we still hold that to ring true to this very day. If you go to a flea market, I can almost guarantee you will see a flood of Disney VHS for sell. They were cranking them out every single week, sure a few kinda suck but a good majority of them are classics children films that as a "adult" now I still find myself watching every now and then.

Hocus Pocus is one of them. And every year in October this is a film I pop in and watch. Why because its fantastic. It holds up well and still allows me to dive into a bit of excitement that a children's Halloween film should. They don't make films like this anymore. Halloween films are made mostly for teens and adults these days. The younger children don't get the focus anymore. Sure when I was 7 I was watching Freddy frighten teens in their nightmares and Leatherface doing what he does best with a door and hammer, but that's that. Some kids can't do that. And honestly shouldn't experience that stuff at such a young age. But hey I turned out somewhat... decent.

After 300 years, Three sister witches are resurrected in Salem Massachusetts on Halloween night, and it us up to two teenagers, a young girl, and an immortal cat to put an end to the witches reign of terror once and for all. (IMDB)

Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Park and Kathy Najimy star as the three sister witches, who steal the souls of children! Omri Katz, Thora Birch and Vinessa Shaw are the hero's who go up against the witches. The three witches steal the show with their goofy antics and song, "I Put a spell on you" that will be stuck in your head. Thora Birch's acting stands out good. She's young and doesn't turn in to one of those annoying forced line delivering children actors can sometimes bring.  The cast works pretty well and only add to the wonder of a story Disney put out.  

Hocus Pocus is a incredibly well-made film that brings the scary part and fun part together and a well wrapped candy bar for a kids eyes and mind. It single handle brings back the excitement that seems to have been lost anymore during Halloween. It's a simple story about putting a end to the witches, which is place on top of a brother and sister relationship that I find mean more to me then any other film when I watch with my sister. Sure if you might not have watched this film before then it might be hard to understand now as a adult. But when you watch this when your young and grow up from it, then it becomes something more. Its a fun film to watch that doesn't get made as much but luckily its immortal and seems to last forever. 

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Big Fan

Big Fan: Intense   ...But fun.

88mins/Comedy/Drama/2009

Patton Oswalt plays a lovable but passionate fan of his football team. Not just any football team, but his New York Giants. To him no other team should even exist on this earth. But then one day his favorite player kicks the crap out of him. This puts him in a bad place.

Emotionally he becomes unstable and it leads to a place that surprised me at first.  He has to pick between him or his football team and the way it plays out was pretty awesome.

This is a film that I couldn't really guess what came next. So many films anymore are very predicable. Patton Oswalt really shines in this film. This may be a comedy slash drama, but I would really like to see him go more toward the drama end. He really just fit this film in such a way I couldn't see anyone else play. Micheal Rapaport and Kevin Corrigan also star, both hold a screen present not too many can. The ending will leave a smile on your face and wanting more. I would also like more from director and writer, Robert D. Siegel who on top of this wrote, The Wrestler. Both films I enjoyed and only wish we got more of his work.

Been a fan of Oswalt for the longest time, and this film might just sealed it for you as well.

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It's a Disaster

It's a Disaster: Splendid

2012 / 88 min / Comedy | Drama

If you're looking for a film to watch this week I found it.

With all the crap that is around these days on TV and even in the theater, check out; It's a Disaster.

The film itself is far from being a disaster. It's very witty, funny and down right enjoyable.

It's Splendid.

My favorite part of the whole film is how it does a turn in the story. At first you're presented with a simple friends meeting to have dinner type of film. You know the type. Each character is having his and hers relationship problems, cheating and simply falling out of love. Everyone knows each other, there all good friends and this is something they have been doing for quiet a while now.

The only new person at the table is David Cross, who I've always thought steals the show of which he's on, even in interviews, he just steals the spotlight in his funny way.

The dialogue is lovely and the random characters like the next door neighbor and the call center guy, don't just pop up without the viewer noticing. They pop up and steal the scenes making you laugh.

There is a ton in this film that I feel will make you smile ear to ear and keep your eyes glued to your TV.

The ending might upset a few, but I thought it was just downright perfect... Enjoy!

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Nature Calls

Nature Calls: Ouch

79 min  -  Comedy (?)  -  2012

So one night a friend and I went on Netflix looking for a film to watch. You know, late night snacking with a “funny” movie playing, drinking beers and pissing the night away. When we finished watching this film we both could not help but wonder why we watched the whole damn thing. It’s such a crappy film, I think we both were in a shocked state of mind.

Polar-opposite brothers Randy and Kirk never saw eye-to-eye, but their rivalry is taken to a new level when Randy hijacks Kirk's son's sleepover, taking the boys on a Scout Trip to remember. (IMDB)

So why does this film suck so much?

It’s a comedy film that has maybe 12 seconds of funny in it. Out of the 79mins only 12 seconds is funny? Well I’m not sure how that can be counted as a comedy film.

I mean, Schindler’s List was funnier…

With a cast like Nature Calls I think I’m angrier that it’s as bad as it is.

Patton Oswalt, Johnny Knoxville, Rob Riggie, Darrell Hammond and Patrice O’Neal (his last film).

And this film still sucks? I like the story, the actors but the script just wasn’t ready and maybe could have been worked on by its awesome cast.

If you come across it one night, Skip it.

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Cinema and Suds, A Film Quadruple-header and Mamma Mia! Pizza Beer

When I think of pizza I automatically think of beer.  Nothing goes better with a slice of pepperoni and mushroom than an ice cold beer.  We also know that beer goes with movies, but what happens when you combine pizza, beer, and movies?  Episode 2 of Cinema and Suds happens.

What I'm sure started out as a joke, has become a reality for beer and pizza lovers; PIZZA BEER!  Yes, pizza beer, folks.  A beer that tastes and smells like an actual pizza.  You might be thinking; were these people stoned when they came up with the concept to combine pizza and beer into one convenient 16 oz. bottle.  Probably, but you know what else goes great with pizza and beer.....I'll leave that up to you of course.

So, you got your Mamma Mia! Pizza Beer in your glass (hopefully a wine glass since this is such a classy beer) now it's time to pick a film.  You could go the safe route and pick "The Godfather" or "Goodfellas" but where's the fun in that?  You've got a damn Pizza Beer in your hand!  Be adventurous, or since you're already pizza drunk (you might need a few of these since the ABV only clocks in at 4.7%) and don't care what you're watching, why not pop in one of these classics, and I have four of them for you today.

Why not start the night with "Date Night" starring Tina Fey and Steve Carell.  Continue on with "Superbad" followed up by "Spaceballs."  And why not finish up the night with "The Thing" considering the fact that by this time you'll be talking to Mamma Mia! Pizza Beer asking, "What is this thing?" Or, "How and why did they make this thing?"

Enjoy the video companion to this review, and check back every week for another edition of Cinema and Suds.

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