one word reviews of Movies and TV

Saturday, August 17, 2019

(Ep. 124): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast - August 2019


On this back to school episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. William Davis Moore, from Miscast Entertainment, sits in for the vacationing Matthew Stewart. The boys discuss...well...The Boys...TV series...they also briefly discuss the only Oscar-winning film to have a money shot in it (Can you guess what it is?)...they tackle the TransAtlantic accent and finally reveal the real person behind Warner Brothers. All That and Moore...see what I did there? Because William Davis Moore is on the...nevermind...All that and some stoking of the flames surrounding that old rumor about William Shatner's late wife...yeah we went there...on the August Edition of the Simplistic Review Podcast.

Sunday, August 11, 2019

(Ep. 123): Stone Cold - Movie Commentary: August 2019

Stone Cold

R 1991 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 35m
A street-smart cop goes undercover to infiltrate and bring to justice a ruthless motorcycle gang before they can carry out their plans of tyranny and murder.
Release date: May 17, 1991 (USA)
Director: Craig R. Baxley

MGM...oh MGM. Your copyright happy trigger finger was at it again. Nothing like editing Stone Cold a few times only to have you take it down again and again. Fun stuff MGM...fun stuff.

Take a journey with DJ and Justin to a simpler time, were MGM made fun and exciting movies existed. Sure, MGM has lost it ways these days but there was a time they made enjoyable films. No, I'm not salty over the pull downs - but Stone Cold is a fun ride. And lets not pull punches here, no one pulls off the business in the front and party in the back like Brian mother F-ing Bosworth!

So, take a ride with us as we watch 90s Stone Cold and now faith-based action star, The Boz!

Yeah, the guy from Stone Cold does faith based action movies now, hey everyone has to make a living.

Saturday, July 27, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Once Upon a Time In...Hollywood


As you get older you come to TERMS with many things. One, getting older; Two, time is running out to leave a mark on the world; and maybe even three is the fact that people are simply waiting in the wings to call you out for being a hack or completely undeserving of your success.

For all intents and purposes, I'm talking about Quentin Tarantino's newest film, "Once Upon a Time in...Hollywood," and while I might have more quibbles with this film more than his pervious eight (or nine if you include the damn near perfect "Death Proof") "Hollywood" is a film about a Hollywood in which Tarantino fell in love with in a time where America was, perhaps, as fractured as it is right now.

As in many of QT's later films, starting with "Inglourious Basterds," he subverts expectations and creates a world he wants to live in on his own TERMS.

Top to bottom, the performances are great but the pacing drags in parts. We get some fresh foot shots that have been missing from his last couple of films, and you have to love that QT still loves him some feet.

Ultimately, where does this film fall in the Tarantino filmography. We critics love this, we live for these moments where we can tell YOU how good this film is! Sure, lists are super fun, and while I personally put this in my lower 3rd of his filmography, the fact remains that even with his being what I might think one of his "weakest" entires, it's still better than 98% of films being released on a weekly basis.

Monday, July 22, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Spider-Man: Far From Home


I've certainly been sitting on this review for a while, but after a fair amount of thought, it was time to say what I think about "Spider-Man: Far From Home." After the grandeur of "Endgame" the end of MCU's Phase Three just feels SMALL.

This is of course a film that takes places over four different countries, has dazzling "special effects," another great villain that ties perfectly into the MCU, but there is still something about it that pales in comparison, and perhaps that's unfair, but its where we are right now as we enter a new Phase of Marvel films; I'm saying that a Spider-Man film looks SMALL.

This is why people say we can't have nice things... 

Thursday, July 4, 2019

(Ep. 122): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast July 2019

Happy Fourth Of July! A holiday you that’s best with the fireworks that only the Simplistic Reviews Podcast can give you. On this return episode, the boys discuss what they did on their summer break, which includes hospital visits that lead to an interaction with Michael Keaton, their top 3 episodes of Black Mirror, some of Quincy Jones’ best hits…on fellow celebrities, and how much they would need to get paid to let a female soccer player kick them in the nethers. And to top it off, they play the explosive game Simplistic Submarine. All that and more on this comeback episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast


MUSIC Fast Times By IDOLS
Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander
Variety Time By Tim Garland


NOTES 
Alex Morgan 
Quincy Jones Rumor About Brando
Black Mirror
 

Monday, June 10, 2019

Cashville Rules Everything Around Me: Wu-Tang Clan Makes History at The Ryman

It's an understatement to say seminal hip-hop collective, Wu-Tang Clan, set a standard for all of shows that will come follow at The Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, TN after their show on Sunday night.

The Mother Church of Country turned into "The Mother F'n Church of Hip-Hop," if only for one night.

Courtesy of The Ryman @theryman 
Founded in 1892, The Ryman Auditorium is a fixture in Nashville, hosting everyone from Johnny Cash, the Frist Jubilee Singers, Dolly Parton, The Grand Ole Opry, and even Elvis Presley (even if it was only one time). But this time the stage was home to RZA, GZA, "Young" Dirty Bastard, Inspectach Deck, Raekwon the Chef, U-God, Ghostface Killah, Master Killa, Cappadonna, and Method Man performing, in "nearly" its entirety, the record that re-established New York hip-hop as a viable product; 1993's "Enter the Wu-Tang" 36 Chambers."

Along with "36 Chambers" the Clan also performed favorites from "Wu-Tang Forever" like "Reunited," "Ice Cream" from Raekwon's "Only Built 4 Cuban Links" and even Cappadonna got his moment with a verse from one of my personal favorite's "Run" from his debut album, "The Pillage."

The energy was high from the crowd from the beginning to the end.

Courtesy @vaughnphillip via Instagram 
RZA led the way most of the show, appreciating the moment and getting the crowd hyped for what came next, and was more than happy the spray Moet into the crowd and even give those in the front row some much deserved Hennessy. I'm sure it Captain Tom Ryman new that one day Hennessy and Moet would cover the floors of his beloved Tabernacle Church he probably wouldn't believe you. 

Other highlights included the DJ interlude from resident Wu DJ, Mathematics, who, little trivia for you, actually created the Might Wu "W" that so many guests had adorned on their shirts and hats. There was also the inclusion of Street Life into the show as he joined Method Man for a few verses of "Grid Iron Rap."

But hey, there is always a nit pick with shows like this.

Courtesy of @graperunner via Instagram
With the group all nearly in late 40s or early 50s, you could see the energy tamper out about an hour into the show, namely GZA. At times he seemed pretty disengaged from the show and walked off stage numerous times, including during the encore of Ghostface's "Charchez La Ghost." Sure, the show seemed to have broken down by then as the remained members starting letting audience members on the stage to start dancing, but hey, it's all in fun.

And as any hip-hop show goes, the audio is always tricky. The background music drowned out the MCs more often than not, but if you've ever been to a rap show, you probably know this is a pretty regular occurrence, and the typical motif of every member of the Wu rapping over each other.

But those are quibbles that in no way took away from what this show really was; a moment in Nashville, and Ryman, history that can't be taken away. A historic rap collective put it's stamp on a city that many people blame for being "New Nashville" and not the Nashville they grew up with. Sure, this might open up more doors for hip-hop to be a more common occurrence at the Ryman, but a generational group like Wu-Tang Clan won't be around "forever." 

A Simplistic Review: Wu-Tang Clan: Of Mics and Men

Rap groups come and go. Many have an expiration date, I mean just look at most of the groups from the last 90s and 2000s. Record companies chewed them up and spit them out, but hey, it could have also meant they just weren't very good either.

But as the old adage goes, "Wu-Tang is Forever," even if it shows how FRACTURED they are after you watch Showtime's "Wu-Tang Clan: Of Mics and Men."

The four-part series peers behind the curtain during their making of THE SEMINAL hip-hop record of the 90s "Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers" shows how they beat the music system by signing a lucrative record deal for each member, but also shows the dark side of management and how the death of Ol' Dirty Bastard essentially imploded the group.

It's a personal look, and plays like an intervention as the group gathers to watch old footage and wax lyrical on their struggles with each other and how the business has changed during their nearly 30 year run. 

Friday, June 7, 2019

Simplistic Interviews: Producer Heather Buckley, of "The Ranger"

On this Simplistic Interview, we sit down with Heather Buckley, producer of the 2018 horror film "The Ranger."

From days writing at Fangoria Magazine to pitching films at Cannes and South by Southwest, Matt and Heather discuss what it was that got her into horror, how inclusion is shaping the horror genre, and essentially how she is an encyclopedia of genre knowledge. Oh, and of course punk rock!

Follow her all over social media too!

Twitter: @_HeatherBuckley
Instagram: www.instagram.com/_heatherbuckley

And of course check out "The Ranger!"

Twitter: @TheRangerMovie
Instagram: @therangermovie
Streaming on Shudder, Amazon Prime, and anywhere else where you can find great horror flicks.


Sunday, June 2, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Ma (2019)


There's nothing like a slow BURN. Just enough time to get some fire in your belly while you wait for everything to really start popping off. That's the delicious BURN I got from Octavia Spencer and "Ma" this weekend.

First thing's first, I'm always a fan of actors or actresses that have won big awards, namely Oscars, and continue to work in the genre field. Spencer looks like she is having the time of her life playing the Veterinarian-turned-psychopath, but there is some meat to this story that cribs ideas from flicks like "Carrie" "The People Under the Stairs" and maybe even "Fatal Attraction."

"Ma" BURNS the house down in it's final 20 or so minutes and creates a memorable new heavy that rivals the likes of Alex Forrest and Anne Wilkes.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Booksmart (2019)


Man...so people are pissed! Apparently no one saw "Booksmart" over the Memorial Day holiday weekend. The unofficial kickoff to the Summer movie season! People instead saw a live action Disney remake, the story of an unstoppable assassin and they even saw superheroes punch super-villains in the face instead of a film about white people with white problems...what a shock.

Look, I know people are already taking SIDES on "Booksmart." Excuses included;

It's Annapurna's fault for putting it out wide during the holiday. The audience is stupid and doesn't appreciate indie comedies. People aren't ready for female and/or queer leads in their coming-of-age comedies. The list goes on and on...

Honestly, "Booksmart" is fun. I laughed out loud a couple of times. But it's also a derivative story that I've seen before.

Yes, having extensive LGBTQ representation is great, but it's almost window dressing for the main story; friends at the end of their high school friendship. And the problem for so long is still using the LGBTQ community as the side gig to the problems of the straight community. Amy (played by Kaitlyn Dever) shows the struggle and anxiety of being gay, but it just seems to be...I don't know...selling it short. But what do I know, I'm a straight, married, white male.

I digress, I liked "Booksmart" butI also like "Superbad." I guess that shows where I'm at.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Under the Silver Lake


I see what David Robert Mitchell was doing here.

Hmm, or maybe I don't...regardless.

So you have this KOOKY film, "Under the Silver Lake," where you have Andrew Garfield doing his best impression of Jeff Daniels' The Dude, while he tries to figure out a conspiracy theory that would make Brian De Palma, Alfred Hitchcock and David Lynch blush.

On the surface, I really dig this flick. It's so.....KOOKY. It really has no purpose, it's mainly a series of vignettes that's held together by an insane premise, but it works if you stick with it.

Friday, May 24, 2019

(Ep. 121): Fire Down Below - Movie Commentary: May 2019

We started this new year off with a film from 90's action star and serial eater, Steven Seagal's Hard to Kill! We continue the Seagal Saga with Fire Down Below, you know the EPA action film...no not that one...the other one...yeah there is another EPA action film.


Fire Down Below

1997 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 45m

Description

When an EPA representative is discovered dead in a small Midwestern town, government agent Jack Taggart (Steven Seagal) goes undercover to check things out. He finds that local coal mogul Orin Hanner Sr. (Kris Kristofferson) is cutting financial corners by disposing of hazardous waste wherever he pleases and that local kids are falling ill because of this recklessness. Taggart then works to stop the shady activity and save the town, but Hanner and his thugs soon grow suspicious of him.
Initial release: December 13, 1997 (South Korea)
Budget: 42 million USD
Box office: 16.2 million USD
Music composed by: Nick Glennie-Smith

A Simplistic Review: John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum


There is always a question of who is the BADDEST...

Lance Riddick is the BADDEST concierge.
Halle Berry and Angelica Houston are the BADDEST chicks.
Ian McShane is the BADDEST Hotel Manager.
Mark Dacascos has the BADDEST crew of Indonesian BADASSES this side of Southeast Asia.

oh...

Keanu Reeves is the BADDEST man in "John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum."

Monday, May 20, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Scary Stories (2019)

Censorship is nothing new. In fact it's a long held American TRADITION to censor things that we are afraid of or we think are doing to destroy the youth.

"We have to protect the youth!" said the old, out of touch white, and black, folk.

But there is also the TRADITION of fighting against the onslaught of people telling other people what to do.

Let's not forget about the TRADITION of tell stories that have been passed on from culture to culture to generations upon generations. "Scary Stories" is the documentary that will hit the nerve of nostalgia while also showing how the culture of censorship continues to plague us as a society.

Click HERE for our interview with the director of "Scary Stories," Cody Meirick. If you want to found out more about this film, click HERE

Saturday, May 11, 2019

A Simplistic Review: The Ranger (2018)


Well someone had to take these big city punks down a peg or two!

The MERIT badge for making a National Park Ranger the big bad in this 80s inspired "killer in the woods" romp goes to Jenn Wexler.

"The Ranger" is a tidy 80 minutes long and gets to the point without going over a pain-staking backstory for our heroine and how she fell into a gang of drug-dealing punk rockers.

Good gore, good villain, with a rocking soundtrack and score.

Sunday, April 28, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Avengers: Endgame (Spolier-Free)


Over a decade of storytelling, 22 films, BILLIONS of dollars invested, and this is what we get?!

Let me just give a BOW of respect for what Paramount, Marvel, Disney, Sony, Fox, and anyone else who was involved in the creation of the MCU and the on again, off again relationship all the studios have had in order to generate this juggernaut which has led to "Avengers: Endgame."

I swelled up and cried a lot in this film, because at the end of the day, strip away the bombastic characters, large scale battles, and all the special effects, because this "Endgame" is a character driven story with superheroes you've spent the better part of your life around.

There is something to be said about what The Russo Brothers have done here. They created a large scale film with pathos to spare and also enough moments that had your bursting at the seems with excitement. This decade-long journey to the inevitable culmination is huge, it's exciting, and it's something that we all just need to take in and enjoy because it's special.

Friday, April 26, 2019

(Ep. 120): Guns - Movie Commentary: April 2019


April 26 is here!

Sure, the mystery movie commentaries were fun. But you knew what you wanted and we knew what you needed. So today we give it like it has never been given...That is why, for no other reason, April 26 was circled on our calendars.

A date we know a lot of you have been counting down towards.

A date that will most likely go down in movie history.

April 26, 2019.

The date Simplistic Reviews finally watched...Guns!


Guns
1990 ‧ Thriller/Drama ‧ 1h 36m

Description

Initial release: November 9, 1990
Director: Andy Sidaris

A South American gunrunner (Erik Estrada) uses an island in Hawaii as his base of operations. A squad of beautiful government airfreighters Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) agents is sent to put him out of business.


Shit yeah! Andy Sidaris! The Sidaris Cinematic Universe continues of the greatest movie series ever! Bombs! Bullets and Babes! This isn't no children's Endgame, this is real shit!



Monday, April 22, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Guava Island


There's nothing wrong with VANITY projects. Big music stars have done it for decades. "Purple Rain" with Prince, "Michael Jackson's Moonwalker," "Cool as Ice" with Vanilla Ice and who could forget "Swept Away" with the indomitable Madonna. Hmmm, come to think of it...maybe there is something wrong with them.

"Guava Island" is a 55-minute music video for Donald Glover where he gets to weave in some of his newer songs into a film about putting on a festival on a island that is under the control of a guy named Red Cargo who doesn't want his works to have Sunday off.

Oh, Rihanna is also in this film.

It's fine, and the opening animation scene reminded of something out of "Coco" and of course the public infatuation will continue for Glover, for good reason of course, the dude is super talented.

Sunday, April 7, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Pet Sematary (2019)


Let it be known that 2019's "Pet Sematary" remake is a REMINDER that yes, sometimes dead is better...

No matter what I say people are going to continue to translate Stephen King's work into films, but man, has there been any one source that has the up-and-down's like King's material.

After the remake of "It" hit big back in 2017, it was open season on getting back on King's D and trying another remake; that one happened to be this year's "Sematary."

Sure, there are a couple of things that I like about this remake, but the acting is wooden and it almost feels like the filmmakers are trying to have their cake and eat it too. Is this flick high brown or low brow horror? How much can we change to make this story feel fresh, etc...

Sure, I don't expect a new generation to check out the original from 1989, considering no one wants to watch an old movie, let's just dive into a remake, but hopefully this is a lesson that not every film deserves that much coveted remake treatment.

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

(Ep. 119): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast April 2019


The Simplistic Reviews Podcast is back from Spring break...clean...sober...and ready to go. One of those things is true. The boys discuss everything they missed since they’ve been gone. From James Gunn rehiring, to the etymology of the word “trump”, to that famous last line in Lethal Weapon 2. You remember that one right? We sure didn’t. Doug Funny, Oregon Trail, Jenny & Melissa McCarthy...all points of interest or disinterest on this Spring fling episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.


MUSIC
Fast Times Club By IDOL
Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander

Monday, April 1, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Dragged Across Concrete


This April Fool's review is brought to you by Mel Gibson and Vince Vaughn. I'm sure a bunch of you thought it was a joke when they starting showing up to award shows together, but "Dragged Across Concrete" is no joke, it's an actual film, and it's actually an UPWARD movement in the reestablishment of Gibson maybe making his way back into the Hollywood stream. Not mainstream, but at least dipping his toe back in the waters.

S. Craig Zahler's filmography might be short, but damn is it impressive. From horror-western fare, prison exploitation and now heist films, he's getting impressive results away from the mainstream and creating pretty kick-ass films.

Gibson and Vaughn are great, but the star of this film is Tory Kittles as the freshly releases ex-con looking to make good on taking care of his family by any means necessary and still having a moral code.

"Bone Tomahawk" and "Brawl in Cell Block 99" are great on their own, but I think "Concrete" is Zahler's best work to date and he's shaping up to be the Neo-Tarantino we all deserve.

Sunday, March 31, 2019

(Ep. 118): Mystery Movie 2 - Movie Commentary: April 2019

So last time we tried something new, something mysterious, something crazy!

The people responded and wanted more or we're just untalented hacks...anyway we did it again!

Matt and Justin watch a movie just in-time for another movie that's due out April 5. Wow a movie commentary tie-in? Kinda...But unlike last time, both Matt and Justin have seen this film before.

Sure, it may be just a one off type of film but damn its really mysterious is it not?


So join Matt as he joins DJ in a movie commentary like none other...a mystery movie...eh movie commentary!?



Wednesday, March 27, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Us


There's a lot to unpack in "Us." But I'll keep it...simple

Does it have the same affect that "Get Out" created in 2017? I don't think so. Did Jordan Peele create another socio-political horror film about how the poor are marginalized and cast away while we as an American society put on a happy face even though, deep down inside, we're ashamed of the unabashed consumers that we've become while living a soulless existence? I think that's a little more accurate.

"Us" is a nice SWITCHAROO for an audience that thought they were going to see "Get Out 2: Electric Rod-a-roo."

Sure, there's plenty of commentary to sink your teeth into, but drilling down this is a film that is part "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" part "Dawn of the Dead" and part "The Strangers," all while shaking up the tired horror cliche by subbing out your typical white family in danger with a black family, and making a very strong point.

Which is...

Why have horror films always just settled for white actors to be the stars horror films while marginalizing black actors to the roles of "the first to die" or "the sage-like advice giver?" Peele is making a statement that a lot of white folks probably aren't ready for; get ready to be the new "first to die" in the horror genre.

Friday, March 22, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Inside Llewyn Davis


I think I like being the guy that checks out movies anywhere between 3-6 years after they come out and are heaped praise by any and all movie critics; I'm TARDY if you will. But gee golly did I enjoy "Inside Llewyn Davis."

Oscar Issac is fun playing the down-on-his-luck, struggling folk singer in 1960s New York, where he is always just one step behind. Of course, I don't know the plight of folk singers in the 60s around the Greenwich Village neighborhood in Manhattan, but I can imagine the bohemian lifestyle.

What the Coen Brothers do here that is so special is that while there is a ton of music, and great music at that, it shows a stark contrast to what life is like when you come off the stage. Infidelity, unwanted pregnancies, lost cats, hanging out with dope fiends, and of course getting punched in the face by the husband of the person you heckled on stage.

As as whole, "Davis" is great, but man, it's pitch black comedy, but what else would you expect from the Coens.

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

A Simplistic Review: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre


It took me a long time to like "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre." And honestly, to this day, I prefer the remake from 2003. I know that probably hurts my horror film credentials, but shoot, I also prefer the remake for "The Hills Have Eyes" as well as the remake for "It" and a few other films that are simply better made films, at least aesthetically

1974's "Chain Saw" is grimy, ugly, grim, but digging down created a SYSTEM for early slasher films to thrive and made people uncomfortable and was seen as pornography that was ruining society, which I can always get behind.

Perhaps watching the original "Chain Saw" with the wisdom of Joe Bob Briggs and "The Last Drive-In" helped re-open my eyes to how much this film changed the landscape of the genre and created the actual "Formula" that predates other proto-slashers like "Halloween" and "Friday the 13th."

Tobe Hooper created a nightmare landscape with some of the most memorable cannibals you've ever seen along a lonely, dust road in central Texas that is forever the stuff of legends.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

A Special Guest Simplistic Review: Captain Marvel



Who knows you better than your best BUDDY? The 'Other Cap' felt like a love letter to your BFF. Which is exactly why I loved and needed Lashana Lynch’s Maria Rambeau as a real life contrast to Brie Larson's Carol Danvers' wonderful but very “literal” girl power. 

Maria is what I want more of - a strong, single mother that kicks ass, flies planes and does some “simple physics”. Because to paraphrase a book I’m reading, “sometimes men want a sticker just for treating a woman like a human being.” I want to see more diverse women as equal human beings.

In “the other ladies who kick ass” category, Annette Benning and Gemma Chan do a fun job in their supporting roles.

Seeing the origins of Nick Fury, Agent Coulson and other origin Easter Eggs are also fun little nuggets.

But beware; If you troll this film just to bring down the ratings without any legitimate criticism - F**K your fragile ego. We may fall down, and hopefully first weekend numbers prove otherwise, but we will get up again and again. 
Besides the slowish start and “dance” fights - this is a solid Marvel origin story and introduction to the ‘Endgame’. 

Sunday, March 3, 2019

A Simplistic Re-Review: Get Out


There's nothing like a PUNCH in the face to wake someone up; or at least break their nose, knock out some teeth, and leave a long and personal impression. That's what "Get Out" did just about two years ago.

It take a special person to create a film that makes everyone in the audience uneasy. "Get Out" shines a light and makes white people squirm while at the same time showing the black audience that their paranoia isn't entirely all unfounded.

Director/Writer Jordan Peele created one of the best horror films in the last 25 years in my opinion, and it isn't even close. The re-watchability is high as well where you can really dissect the dread of what is coming and showing this to someone who hasn't seen it while you wait for their reaction(s) is golden.

Friday, March 1, 2019

(Ep. 117): Mystery Movie - Movie Commentary: March 2019

Today we try something new, something mysterious, something crazy! DJ and Justin watch a movie like they did so many times before. But this time it's different. This time Justin carefully selected from the Simplistic Reviews ever growing library of shitty movies, a film DJ has never seen nor heard of.

And that's not all. This time DJ has no idea what he will be watching, he knows nothing, just like you!

So join DJ as he is only aware of recording a movie commentary...not what movie...but...a mystery movie!

Monday, February 11, 2019

A Simplistic Review: The Autopsy of Jane Doe


As the kids would say; "'Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark' brought me here." I'm almost positive that I've seen "The Autopsy of Jane Doe" be suggested to me on Netflix time and time again, but I always turned my nose up at it.

These types of films just aren't my horror cup of tea. Not that it scares me, I just don't care for the supernatural, scary, maybe witch, girl, who terrorizes people. Just not my jam.

But after finally giving it a chance, and despite it being just "meh" Guillermo del Toro made the CORRECT choice in choosing director, André Øvredal, to helm one of my most anticipated films in "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark."

Øvredal knows how to build suspense and you might even say that "Jane Doe" is a story cut right from "Scary Stories." The dude has some chops and I'm looking forward, and hoping, that he doesn't, like the adults say; "ruin my childhood."

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Velvet Buzzsaw


Say what you will about "Velvet Buzzsaw" but the opinion will simply be in the eye of the BEHOLDER.

Much like art, whether you dig this flick will all depend on what you're looking for, and the more I think and dwell on "Buzzsaw" I find a lot in common with modern film criticism. It's annoying, needy, whiny, overly complicated and needless more often than not. Of course I'm skewering myself as well, but I can take my own joke and realize what kind of hypocrite I am.

Being one of like five people in the whole world that actually likes "Art School Confidential" I liken "Buzzsaw" a fun little companion piece where John Malkovich is somehow playing the same character in both and it's wonderful.

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

A Simplistic Review: I Am Not Your Negro (2016)


I'm kind of in a weird spot with this review. It's just after Martin Luther King Day and just about a week before Black History Month, but after watching "I Am Not Your Negro" it took me some time to PROCESS.

As a White, Jewish Male, there isn't a lot for me to bring to a discussion about the mistreatment of minorities and the injustice and abuse they have all endured for over 700 years when White Europeans decided they were going to sail to a "New World" and for all intensive purposes commit genocide and kick off White Supremacy.

I feel bad I've not know much about James Baldwin up to this point in my life. He settled as a background guy for the likes of titans; Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Lorraine Hansberry, and Dr. King. He's also the witness for their lives being cut short while being the interest of the FBI and living as minority within a minority.

Baldwin took the best of Lorraine, Malcolm, Martin and Medgar and created his own brand of resistance that more seem to be discovering as we are slowly degenerating back into the 1950s and 60s and fighting for a new generation's Civil Rights.

In short, "I Am Not Your Negro" is required viewing about an unsung hero who I sadly know too little about.

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Eighth Grade

It's hard not to CRINGE at "Eight Grade." It's everything you would expect a film about middle to be. Awkward, bittersweet, stomach-churning, and all together relatable.

Considering I'm about 20 years removed from middle school, I remember it being a little unbearable, but a lot has changed in 20 years and perhaps I don't find enough to connect with in "Eighth Grade" but I admire it's zeal for portraying the "modern" kid growing up in a technological and "me-me-me" society.

Maybe I'm sure more of a "Welcome to the Dollhouse" type of guy, but I'm also a weirdo who likes really dark shit...

Monday, January 14, 2019

A Simplistic Review: The House That Jack Built


Lars von Trier is the master of the TRIGGER. He knows how to get under your skin and manipulate your emotions and get people riled up. But that also makes him the last of a dying breed of mainstream directors who are fading away.

The best I can really say about "The House That Jack Built" is that it TRIGGERS a response from people, whether it's good or bad, but it's a lot of posturing on von Trier's part about a hearty pat on his on own back.

It's "American Psycho" without the pitch black humor and while it might take place in the 80s at some junctures, "Jack" devoid of the era and simply takes place when it takes place.

Is "Jack" worth 150-minutes of your time? It honestly all depends on whether you think a Lars von Trier film is worth the squeeze and how TRIGGERED you might be.

Sunday, January 13, 2019

(Ep. 115): Hard To Kill - Movie Commentary: January 2019

The new year is here and so is a new batch of Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentaries! 

We start this new year off with a film from 90's action star and serial eater, Steven Seagal. Which Seagal film? Well, since Steven has a large collection of so bad its good, we figured we get out one of the better Seagal films that also has some of our favorite lines.

Stay warm with the boys from SR on this chilly January Sunday and let's watch some Hard to Kill!
Hard to Kill

R 1990 ‧ Drama/Thriller ‧ 1h 40m

Description

When police detective Mason Storm (Steven Seagal) uncovers ties among corrupt cops, the mob and charismatic politician Vernon Trent (Bill Sadler), a hit is ordered on his family. During the attack, Storm's wife is killed, and the cop himself is severely injured. After waking up from a years-long coma, Storm, aided by gorgeous nurse Andy Stewart (Kelly LeBrock), slowly gets back on his feet and plots revenge against those who wronged him, particularly the duplicitous Sen. Trent.
Release date: February 9, 1990 (USA)
Director: Bruce Malmuth
Box office: 47.4 million USD
Screenplay: Steven McKay
Music composed by: David Michael Frank



Thursday, January 10, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Molly's Game


Considering this was one of my favorite films from 2018, I'm finally getting around to making it my first review post for 2019. Makes sense, right?

What do you get when you take Jessica Chastain, throw in a little Idris Elba, and have them recite, impeccably, the dialogue of Aaron Sorkin? Well, your plants might get a little TIGHT, but you also get "Molly's Game."

This is also the film that finally made me a fan of Jessica Chastain. Her and Anne Hathaway I lumped into the same boat for a long time, just not a fan. But, after seeing her play word gymnastics with this script and simply being the anchor of this film, I'm finally a believer.

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