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| INTERESTING |
Oh
dear god, I'm back with another “Cyborg” movie. I bet you didn't know there was
a second one, let alone a third, but here we are. In fact there are four of
these movies...kinda...sorta. But all that cheesy goodness will be revealed
soon enough. Today we will be continuing where we left off in “Cyborg 2: Glass
Shadow”, as we get reacquainted with Cash in “Cyborg
3: The Recycler”.
The
year is 1994. Men everywhere were booby-trapped (pun intended) when the Wonder
Bra made it's debut. Nickelodeon was on fire with shows like “Aaahh!! Real
Monsters”, “The Secret World of Alex Mack”, “Clarissa Explains It All” and “All
That”. The song “I Swear” by All 4 One played so often on the radio that many
considered suicide. All this and Cyborgs start popping out babies.
THE
SKINNY
“Cyborg
3” begins several decades in the future from where we left off with Cash and
Colt, who were carving a home for themselves out of the desert. Now, the humans
and the cyborg are at odds. The disease that ravaged the humans, during “Cyborg”, has left them weak. And since the
Pinwheel Corporation has come to an end, in “Cyborg 2”, the world economy has collapsed. There is
no growth and no innovation. For humans to survive they must resort to
cannibalizing cyborgs for their parts in order to repair their aging
technology. This has created a need for “recyclers” men and women who travel
the wastelands searching for cyborg parts. Even hunting cyborgs to harvest
their pieces.
Here
we meet one such recycler, Anton Lewellyn, Richard Lynch, who has made a
living murdering cyborgs for their parts and taking their eyeballs as his
trophies. In an early, and very superfluous scene he tries to sell damaged
cyborgs to Lord Talon, Malcolm McDowell. Anton and Lord Talon have done
business in the past which came to a dismal end. It seems Anton sold the Lord a
sexy cyborg who came fitted with “Glass Shadow” explosives. And since this
rather explosive encounter, Lord Talon has been equipped with a robotic
right hand. I say this is superfluous scene because, sure, we learn a little
about Anton, but we never see the Lord Talon character again. The filmmaker
wanted to use Malcolm McDowell's star power to help sell this underwhelming
film. McDowell is even featured on the cover of the VHS as if he were the star.
Well I guess “the old in-out, in-out” wasn't coming as often for this
little droog in 1994, and
McDowell had to stoop low for a paycheck.
Anyhow,
after meeting with Lord Talon, Anton and his sidekick/muscle Jocko, Andrew
Bryniarski,head over to the ol' cyborg whore house for some tail. Here we
see Anton pays to torture a naked dancing cyber-gal. Anton is one sadistic son
of a bitch. She just wants to love?! This is important because, as he leaves
the whore house located in some dusty ghost town, he encounters Cash. Being the
ever shrewd recycler, Anton notices how
special Cash is – after all, she is one of a kind. From this point on it
becomes his mission to hunt Cash and sell her to the highest bidder.
Cash
on the other hand was visiting a cyborg clinic located in the ghost town. She
has been feeling weak and has come to see what the problem is. Surprise, it's a
baby! Yep, old Colt knocked Cash up. This is interesting because we see Colt
die of old age... Was his wiener still working or...what the hell's goin' on
here? I guess it doesn't matter anyway, because the good doctor sends Cash, Khrystyne
Haje, away on a quest to find Evans, played by THE Zach Galligan
from “Gremlins”. Evans was a cyborg designer from back in the day. If anyone
can know how Cash got pregnant and what she should do, it will be him.
Now
Cash must travel through the desert with Anton hot on her trail. Just when she
arrives at Evan's...cyber cave and he runs some tests to prove that she is in
fact pregnant. Built with a cybernetic womb and cryogenic sperm bank. The next
obstacle to overcome to get Cash to care about the child. At the moment she
sees it as a threat to her life. As it grows inside her, it drains her
resources. She lacks the nurturing instinct that human woman possess naturally.
According to Evans, this is the reason why cyborgs like her was never made, and
yet here she is. Again, Cash is a one of a kind.
Anton
finally catches up with Cash. She and Evans hop into her not so futuristic dune
buggy and head to “Cy-Town” located in the “free zone”. It's another deserted
city. But this is time it's one protected by a sophisticated force-field that
scrambles cyborg tracking radar, making it appear invisible to recycler. This
is the only place cyborgs can live in total safety.
Here
in Cy-Town, Cash delivers her baby – a weird cyborg tube...thingy. Apparently
newborn cyborgs look like softball sized spark-plugs. Her evolution into
motherhood wins the hearts and minds of the other cyborg residents who weren't
interested in protecting her from the recyclers on her trail. They would rather
just leave her out in the open to keep Cy-Town hidden.
Oh
did I say that “recycler” were on her trail. Yep, Anton is a little pissed that
Cash and Evans got away and he knows they are headed to Cy-Town so he calls in
back-up. Every other recycler he known is traveling through the night to where
Cash's was last picked up on cyborg radar.
Anton
plans to capture Cash for himself, while letting his recycler friends have at
the rest of the population. It would be the largest single cyborg harvest ever.
In
the mean time, Evans begins repairing the rag-tag group of wounded and maimed
cyborgs who are barley alive to begin with, and preparing them for war against
the recyclers – which makes up the final ten or fifteen minutes of the film.
Cy-Town looks like a future-realistic version of the Island of Misfit Toys.
Poor bastards.
The
recyclers find their way into Cy-Town and the battle begins. Eventually Anton
and Chas encounter each other, as action movies often end with the main
character and villain duking it out at the end – if ya didn't know by now.
Cash, in an act of superb tactical planning, or maybe just post-pardon lunacy,
uses her child as a decoy so she can full Anton fill of bullets. As he lays
dying, he belches out one hell of a string of last words; “Sweet mother of
god, this bitch sure has some interesting programming.” lol what? And the
cyborgs live on.
THE
VERDICT
“Cyborg
3” is perhaps even less visual than the previous films. With what I assume is
an even smaller budget, “Cyborg 3” is the perfect example of what a straight to
video movie is. It is an inferior sequel to a franchise that was forgotten long
before it was made. But that doesn't mean that “Cyborg 3” is bad. It's just
cheap.
There
is great acting mixed with poor acting. B-list celebrities mixed with nobodies.
Fight choreography, explosions and stunts mixed will lame practical effects.
Fortunately
there are some neat ideas nestled within all of the previously mentioned
hodgepodge of what have you.
For
starters, Cash has to learn to accept that she will be a mother. It's
interesting to see her character evolve and deal with something that woman face
everyday – changing their entire lifestyle to care for their baby. It's
something that often leads to a deep depression.
Khrystyne
Haje's portrayal of the Cash character was well acted, but she didn't seem to
feel at home during all the action. Angelina Jolie did a little better job
handling the rough and tumble stuff, and selling her character being a bad ass.
Another deep character arch involves Jocko, Anton's
muscle. Jocko carries out Anton's brutal bidding, murdering cyborgs left and
right – even though he is a cyborg himself. With Cash's help, Jocko learns that
he was once a medical officer deployed during war time to act as a battlefield surgeon. He went from
saving lives to taking them when Anton stole Jocko from some military depot and
erased his memory in order to use him as a muscle bound slave. Once Jocko
learns this, he repents by turning on Anton during the final shoot-out. This
ends in an emotional conclusion for Jocko that I wouldn't have expected from a
film of this caliber.
So
in conclusion, there are two ways to look at this film; the first being that it
is cheaply made rubbish, and the second being that it is thought provoking and
emotional. Somehow both of these are true and I personally feel that if you are
willing to sit through “Cyborg 2” then this is required viewing. It's one of
those flicks that you won't regret watching it, but at the same time you could
easily not know it even exists.
Up
next will be “Masters of the Universe” starring Dolph Lundgren, and no I'm not
kidding. Find out why, next time.
I’m
Cory Carr and this concludes another trip in The Action Movie Time Machine.
Until next time, SEMPER FI PUNK!
For
more from Cory, check out slaughterfilm.com. The home of
weekly podcasts, reviewing the films that are legendary, even in Hell!
