This is Halloween: The Haunted Mask

The Haunted Mask: Fun 22mins each/44mins Total/Horror/1995 The Haunted Mask is the 11th book and episode 1 and 2 of season 1. It's about a girl, Carly Beth who gets picked on because she's easily scared. She's the joke of the school and because of...

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The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: October Edition

 The boys are back with another hard-hitting, face-melting, knee-slapping, balls-to-the-wall edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  October draws to a close with Halloween on their minds as they breakdown the best Horror Monsters/Villains/Demons...

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This is Halloween: The Shining (1980)

ICONIC The Shining - Iconic I hate to be so cliche when it comes to "The Shining" but since I like it not only as a horror film, but as a film in general, it's hard not to call it iconic.  It's the first film in the pseudo-slasher genre that was taken...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 12

There were days when vampires were vampires and not whiny little bitches who sparkle in front of mouth-breathers.  Vampires were bad-ass creatures of the night that seduced women and drained them of their blood while making them their vampire mates.  Those were the days, or nights, if you will. On this episode of Simply Horrifying...

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This is Halloween: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors: Imaginative 96mins/Horror/1987 This is it guys and girls! This is the film that introduced me to horror and Freddy. Two loves that will never die for me. I remember that day, it was a cold rainy day and me and my...

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This is Halloween: The Faculty

The Faculty: Underrated 104mins/Horror/Sci-Fi/1998 It's a film by Robert Rodriguez, that when I say that, a shit ton of people that never knew that pop up with seriously? That Robert Rodriguez? Yes that one. I know it doesn't have that Rodriguez feel to it,...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 11

What's scarier than a watching a stage version of "Hamlet?"  How about Jon Lovitz as the lead.  Of course I'm not putting Jon Lovitz down, even if Andy Dick did wish death upon him, I still think he's great. "Top Billing" is another fine episode from the already great third season of "Tales from the Crypt."  The aforementioned Lovitz...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 10

After a bit of dead silence, Simply Horrifying is back!  In this ghoulish offering we witness what some people will do for money.  Pretend to kill themselves mostly, but if you think there won't be any repercussions, you have to be out of your mind. "The Trap" directed by Michael J. Fox, is an entry from the "Shock Suspenstories" line...

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Simplistic TV: Dracula: Premiere Episode

ORDINARY Hey!  You know what the entertainment world needs more of?  Vampires!!!  I'm sorry.  My sarcasm is turned up to eleven because I'm a little jaded.  This will probably sound like an old man boring his grandchildren about the...

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This is Halloween: Ghostbusters II

UNDESERVED Ghostbusters II - Undeserved Will we ever see a "Ghostbusters III?"  The easy answer is no, the hopeful answer is, please no.  Trust me, "Ghostbusters" goes down as one of the best comedies of the 1980s, if not the best comedy from the...

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This is Halloween: Hocus Pocus

Hocus Pocus: Immortal 96mins/Family-Comedy/1993 As a kid growing up in the 90's things were pretty awesome in the world of film and TV. Disney had a gold mine of 90's kids movies that became instant classics to us of the 90's and we still hold that to ring true...

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This is Halloween: Maniac (2012)

Maniac (2012) - Perspective PERSPECTIVE In modern horror, the thought of re-making fringe horror films is always confusing to me. What audience is this re-make for?  Who is going to see it?  Is it viable for a studio to release a film that maybe...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 09

Welcoming you back to the Crypt, this is Matt with another edition of Simply Horrifying.  As we creep into Season Three of "Tales from the Crypt" we start off with a real bang, and a snap, and a pluck of your eyeballs with the help of a circling vulture. "Carrion Death" is not only a clever name, but it's also a damn good episode starring...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 08

Welcome back to Simply Horrifying as we reach an end to Season Two of "Tales from the Crypt" with a twisted tale of secrets identities entitled, cleverly enough, "The Secret."  It's a nice wrap-up to the season that was arguably the strongest season out of the entire series.  Also of note was that this was the second episode in the series...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 07

The number seven is lucky for some, but guess what, it isn't for you!  HAHAHA!  Well, you must be kind of lucky if you're back and ready to enjoy another episode of Simply Horrifying.  In this terrifying tale we see what it really takes to make it in show business as Morton Downey Jr stars in "Television Terror" one of the first...

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This is Halloween (TV): Toy Story of Terror

DEVILISHLY Toy Story of Terror - Devilishly The one thing you can count on with Pixar is that you always get quality.  Despite some of their weaker efforts ("Cars" "Cars 2" to a lesser extent, "Brave") there always seems to be a silver lining to anything...

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Big Fan

Big Fan: Intense   ...But fun. 88mins/Comedy/Drama/2009 Patton Oswalt plays a lovable but passionate fan of his football team. Not just any football team, but his New York Giants. To him no other team should even exist on this earth. But then one...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 06

Prepare for another murderous and marauding romp as we re-enter the Crypt for another edition of Simply Horrifying.  In one of the more interesting, and lighter, episodes we have Harry Anderson, who you might remember from "Night Court," as an artist working for "Tales from the Crypt" who's creations are suddenly taking on a life of their...

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This Is Halloween: The American Scream

The American Scream - Spirit SPIRIT What's American?  Apple pie?  Baseball?  Government shutdowns?  Sure, all these things makes America great, but something has to be missing....what could it be? How about starting your own business, being...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 05

Welcome to Hell Muthafu*ka!  Or....just welcome back to another edition of Simply Horrifying as we continue our jaunt down memory lane remembering some of the best episodes of "Tales from the Crypt."  In this episode, which is also one of my favorites, we have two comedians in the starring role, one being the immortal Don Rickles and...

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This Is Halloween: Scream 2

OUTLIER Scream 2 - Outlier Certain things sell me on a film, especially a horror film.  The main thing(s) is whether it keeps me interested, engaged, and I'm able to care about a few of the characters.  You wouldn't normally say that a soundtrack...

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New Release! Gravity

MIND-BLOWING Gravity - Mind-Blowing I never start a review this way, until now of course; "Gravity" is amazing, emotional, groundbreaking, revisionist, wonderful, innovative, and of course, mind-blowing. There hasn't been a movie since "2001: A Space Odyssey"...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 04

Welcome back fiendish freaks to another edition of Simply Horrifying. "Cutting Cards" the third episode from Season Three stars Lance Henriksen, who you might remember from "Aliens" and "Pumpkinhead" and Kevin Tighe, who you might remember even better from "Road House" and who played Locke's Daddy in the TV series "Lost," as two high stakes gamblers...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 03

 Welcome back gore-whores, for another edition of Simply Horrifying.  Leaving season one behind, we now embark into season two of "Tales from the Crypt" where things really start to pick up steam.  Being that the first season only had six episodes, it's pretty jarring to see that the sophomore season had a whopping 18 episodes. ...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 02

As we delve deeper into the "Tales from the Crypt" catalog, I need to make an amendment to the above review.  In the review I state that Mary Harron was the only female to direct a "Tales from the Crypt" episode, and that isn't entirely true.  While there was a disproportionate ratio of male to female directors on the show, there were...

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Here Comes Halloween: Phantasm II

Phantasm II - Look-a-like LOOK-A-LIKE Naturally it would make sense to review the first "Phantasm" before I get to it's sequel, but there is a logical explanation; I simply enjoy "Phantasm II" better than it's predecessor.  An odd way to begin a review,...

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Simplistic Reviews Presents: Simply Horrifying featuring Tales from the Crypt Ep. 01

October is here and now is the time for the creeps and ghouls to infest your web browsers, and I"m not just talking about those adult sites that you frequent when your wife or husband aren't around.  No judgement.  But October is that time of the year where things get a little spooky and Simplistic Reviews welcomes everything creepy with...

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