ANIME-ISH
With a new “Terminator” movie in theaters, I
thought it best to take a look at another film series that features cybernetic
entities, “Cyborg”. Oh, why not the “Terminator” franchise you ask? Because
punk! I just reviewed a bunch of Arnold flicks , and besides, I bet you don't
know nothin' about “Cyborg”.
The year
is 1989. The Exxon Valdez runs aground and spills 1,2000,000 gallons of oil,
Nintendo releases the wildly successful Game Boy, and “Batman” battled “Indiana Jones...” at the
box office. All this and Jean-Claude Van Damme battles to save the world from
futuristic pirates in “Cyborg“.
THE
SKINNY
The film
takes place in New York City , in “the future” and it's explained to us
in a voice over that over the past few decades there has been anarchy,
genocide, famine and now a plague that has ravaged humanity. But there is hope,
in the form of a cure.
These
words are told to us by Fender, Vincent Klyn, the films antagonist and all
around evil guy. He then explains that he enjoys the suffering, the death and
he wants to get his hands on the cure so he can control it and live like a god
– choosing who lives and who dies.
Early in
the film, Fender and his gang of post-apocalyptic dressed Village People rape
and pillage a seaside settlement and as this happens, we see a lady cyborg
being shooed out the back. She has been given specific orders to escape Fender
and his gang, locate and hire a “slinger” to help protect her on her
journey and deliver the cure to the right people in Atlanta who will be able to
develop it and restore humanity.
Somewhere
there are internet nerds writing blog posts theorizing that “Cyborg” and “The
Walking Dead” are somehow connected. There aren't any zombie in “Cyborg“, but
the plague could be the same disease that brought about the “walkers”. And just
because you don't see zombies, doesn't mean that they aren't there. In the
second season of The Walking Dead, Rick's crew make their way to the C.D.C. in
Atlanta looking for salvation and answers. In “Cyborg” the lady cyborg, who's
name is Pearl, is also making her way to Atlanta to deliver the cure and reach
salvation. Conspiracy alert! “Cyborg” is set in the future of “The Walking
Dead“. You just read it on the internet, so it MUST be true!
Fender is
one of those evil dudes who's goals are so extreme that you wonder, “if he
gets his way how would even he survive?”. He's a bit of a comicbook
super-villian in the way that they might concoct a scheme to destroy the world,
never taking into account that if Earth explodes so will they.
I mean
sure, he will have the cure, or at least the recipe for the cure, but he isn't
a scientist. How the hell would he know what to do with it if he catches the
plague? Or if enough humans die, what is there to rule over? Does this guy know
how to grow and cultivate his own food to survive in this post-apocalyptic
wasteland?
We're
only ten minutes in and already Fender's motives are suspect. But I digress.
Soon
Pearl happens into the same ramshackle town and encounters Gibson, Jean-Claude
Van Damme, who is a former “slinger” and survivor of this brutal world that
they live in. Pearl explains her quest – even telling him that she is a cyborg
as she pleads for him to escort her to Atlanta. But before he can make up his
mind, they are ambushed by Fender and his gang. They take Pearl and leave
Gibson for dead.
This
isn't the first time Gibson has encountered Fender. As we learn through an
entire series of flashbacks, Gibson gave up the life of being hired mercenary,
aka “slinger”, to settle down with the love of his wife and her two children.
But not long after they settled in a nice country home, Fender shows up to
rape, kill and kidnap Gibson's newly adopted daughter to be used as a sex slave.
Now, only
mildly interested in saving the cure, Gibson heads south from New York to
Atlanta to track and hunt Fender.
Along the
way Gibson meets another damsel in distress, Nady, Deborah Richter. He allows
her to tag along while protecting her from Fender's attacks and she in return
acts as his moral compass. Before long, Gibson softens to the young woman and
she becomes his love interest.
This is
something that Fender uses to his advantage once he is tipped off that Gibson
is tracking him. He sets a trap, luring Gibson and Nady into an abandoned
factory building where Gibson manages to fight off wave after wave of attacks
before he is outnumbered and forced to flee with a wounded Nady. Fender and his
gang follow Gibson and Nady, and they are overtaken .
But
first, Gibson's kidnapped daughter makes her presence known. Now, all grown up
and brainwashed, she appears, to show her adopted father that she is now in
love with her captor. Whoa, what a mind fuck!
Gibson is
tied to the mast of an old sailboat and left to die...again. Flashbacks of
Fender attacking his family bring on a rage educed “hulk-up” that allows Gibson
to shatter the mast – freeing himself – and he and Nady continue on to Atlanta
in pursuit Fender and Pearl.
Along the
way Gibson gets a clue and this time decides to not play by Fender's rules and
instead plan a trap for him. Like a scene out of “300” or “Lord of the Rings”,
Gibson forces Fender and his gang through a narrow passage in some junkyard
town – The Battle of Helm's Garbage Heap.
Here
Gibson picks off Fender's remaining crew before he and Fender battle it out
themselves – just as a storm rolls in.
Because you can't have a kick-ass final boss fight with out thunder and
lightning.
The
slug-fest ends when Fender introduces a knife. Gibson breaks his arm, takes the
knife and stabs him in the chest with it. Ya think that would be enough, but it
isn't. Fender re-animates and the fight continues. Gibson then impales him on a
giant hook.
In the
end, Gibson gets reacquainted with his kidnapped daughter, Haley. They, with
Pearl, mourn the loss of Nady, who was killed protecting Pearl from Fender's
gang leading up to the final fight.
Before
the credits roll, we see Pearl reaching her Atlanta contact and I can only
assume that the cure fixes the world...Who am I kidding? I know that's not true
because there are two more “Cyborg” movies.
THE VERDICT
Gibson
becomes locked in heated battle with Fender to a fight to the death... So these
guys are named after guitars...*facepalm. Wait a minute, the name Pearl
is a company that manufactures top of the line drums. I would bet money that
they tried to name Nady “Zildjian”.
The story
isn't the most original, but it isn't bad. It's really a collection of
futuristic things thrown in the same pot together and often feels like an anime
in the way the fights are choreographed and filmed, and even “The Seven
Samurai” somehow. Some scenes have minimal dialogue and this might be what
lends itself to feel a bit like an anime – sorta foreign.
The
cyborg effects don't look as good as say, “Terminator”, but for a low budget
Cannon film, I think they turned out pretty good. Believe me, I've seen some
crap effects in my time and these here aren't half bad.
The
fights are creative in the way Gibson and his enemies use their surroundings,
and in JCVD's case, his splits. What makes the fights look less good is the
editing and certain camera angles. This is true for the entire film, mostly
where editing is concerned. It just isn't edited very smoothly. And as for the
camera angles, sometimes the camera is in a creative place/angle while other
times it feels like it's in the way of the action.
The
acting is the weakest element to this film. JCVD isn't the best actor, but he
certainly isn't awful. With that said, this is one of his earlier works and
isn't his best. The rest of the cast is on par with the special effects – not
the greatest but by Cannon standards it's top notch. Vincent Klyn however...is
something. He's odd to look at and odd to listen to and some of his dialogue
seems like it was written with “A Clockwork Orange” in mind or something
and...he's just an odd dude.
So in
conclusion, “Cyborg” is an interesting addition to the post-apocalyptic sci-fi
films of the '80s not as good as the immortal “Terminator” and certainly not as
bad as some of the other post-apocalyptic VHS flicks that I've reviewed in
months past. It hovers somewhere between entertaining and watchable.
I’m Cory
Carr and this concludes another trip in The Action Movie Time Machine. Until
next time, SEMPER FI PUNK!
For more
from Cory, check out slaughterfilm.com. The home of weekly podcasts,
reviewing the films that are legendary, even in Hell!
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