one word reviews of Movies and TV

Monday, January 18, 2016

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 61) January 2016


FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

Happy Jew Year friends and family. The Simplistic Reviews Crew is back, and boy are they going to let you have it....not their virginity, we're all still clearly waiting for the right one to give that away to....

This month the boys try to find a way to make "Making a Murderer" the new #1 Comedy on CBS, to DJ's everylasting black rage involving Michael Bay as Transformers 69 is coming soon. We even throw in a little TV talk, and introduce a brand new game segment where we decide who lives or dies in "Simplistic Fisticuffs."

All this, plus we finally catch up with the asshat responsible for the deaths of both David Bowie and Alan Rickman in this super-sized, jam-packed edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES:

Bowie Being Bowie
Rickman Being Rickman
Bay Being Bay

MUSIC
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
Syd Dale By The Hell Raisers
1976 By RJD2
Cast Your Fate To The Wind By Vince Guaraldi

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Thursday, January 14, 2016

RIP Alan Rickman


1946-2016

Usually the New Year is supposed to begin with hope and cheer and promise of better things to come. But the week of January 10th 2016 has been a pretty bad one, but hey it can only get better....right?

First the end came for Ziggy Stardust, as David Bowie was removed from this mortal coil at the age of 69, and now another testament to British excellency, Alan Rickman, has also passed at the age of 69. Like I said, not a great way to start the year.

To be brief, the Simplistic Reviews crew will truly miss Alan Rickman and everything he has brought to film and the constant inspiration he has given our podcasts. Here are just a few things to remember about Rickman and some of our favorite roles of his:

5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Pt. II
Everyone has their panties in a bunch about Harry Potter, and almost everyone remembers Rickman as Professor Severus Snape from the "Potter" series, and sure, he was very good. Click HERE for the cream of the crop.

4. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Rickman has created some of the best villains ever put to celluloid, and I think this is one that people really forget about. I mean, what kind of bad guy wants to cut someone's heart out with a spoon. Check out the goodness HERE.

3. Dogma
If there is a God, I think it would be safe to say that the docile tones of Rickman would be the voice that I would want to hear. For more on that, click HERE.

2. Galaxy Quest
This seems to be a favorite of so many people so why wouldn't we include it in a Top Five list. By Grabthar's Hammer....click HERE

1. Die Hard
The quintessential action film created one of the most quintessential action film villains of all time. Whether talking fashion on where Arafat buys his suits to giving his best American accent as Bill Clay, was there anything that Hans Gruber couldn't do? HERE is the proof.

Sure, Hans couldn't fly at the end of the day, but now, Alan Rickman surely flies above us all.

"I don't play villains, I play very interesting people."
-Alan Rickman 1946-2016

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

2016 Golden Globe Results: Who won...who should have won....


It's officially the start of the Award Season as the 73rd Annual Golden Globes wrapped up this past Sunday Night with the ever-resourceful Ricky Gervais was back at the helm after a few years off.

Of course so many people have their opinions on who the winners should have been or that the winners were perfectly chosen...well, you know what they say about opinions....

With that said, here are the winners from the Golden Globes, and whether the Hollywood Foreign Press made the right choices. Keep in mind, this is only about the film categories for this year's show.

Best Motion Picture, Drama
Winner: The Revenant
Who Should Have Won: The Revenant
Why: Well, the argument could be made that "Spotlight" should have been a victor in this category, but it can also be argued that the Golden Globes are weird awards with weird ways of doing things. From a film-making perspective, "The Revenant" is hard to beat. From a story perspective, its rather thin; a revenge tale hidden in a metaphor-riddled art film.

Best Motion Picture, Comedy and/or Musical
Winner: The Martian
Who Should Have Won: Anything else that is actually a comedy or musical...
Why: Well, is "The Martian" a comedy or musical? I'd be on the side that it isn't, but I guess if the only factor of a comedy is that you might laugh a few times over the course of a 2+ hour film, sure, I guess "The Martian" is a comedy.

Best Actor, Drama
Winner: Leonardo DiCaprio
Who Should Have Won: Michael Fassbender
Why: This is likely going to be Leo's year due to a pretty weak class of Best Actors. The other thing in Leo's favor is the lack of game-changing or "lightning in a bottle" performances likes we've seen from the likes of Eddie Redmayne last year and Matthew McConaughey the year before that, so this is looking like it will finally be his year, if just for the physical demands the role take. Fassbender had to deal with the onslaught that is Aaron Sorkin dialogue, and while I enjoyed his role in "Steve Jobs" more so, this win for DiCaprio might as well punch his ticket for Oscar gold in February.

Best Actress, Drama
Winner: Brie Larson
Who Should Have Won: Brie Larson
Why: If it wasn't only for the reason that I have a small crush on Larson, and if that was enough of a reason, she's also paid her dues and has shown that she has range and is willing to play any role with that rare combination of innocence, youth, and vulnerability. Beginning with "Short Term 12" Larson is starting to pave her way to a long and great career and "Room" is the first in what will likely begin her Jennifer Lawrence-type accession.

Best Actor, Comedy/Musical
Winner: Matt Damon
Who Should Have Won: Matt Damon
Why: I'll just say Matt Damon because I like Matt Damon. Again, "The Martian" slipping into the comedy/musical category just seems like lip service and an excuse to honor both Damon and DiCaprio in the same show. Might I also add, that I feel this is a very weak year for the Best Actor category.

Best Actress, Comedy/Musical
Winner: Jennifer Lawrence
Who Should Have Won: Amy Schumer
Why: Probably the only film and actress nominated in this category correctly. After a string of misses, it looks like Judd Apatow might be back to making funny films, and his muse, Schumer, who I've been cold on for quite a while, actually put in a performance that made me like her. However, we all know the tactics of David O Russell, which pretty much handed Lawrence the Globe this year. Again, if "Joy" funny enough to land in this category...probably not.

Best Supporting Actor
Winner: Sylvester Stallone
Who Should Have One: Idris Elba
Why: This really is splitting hairs here. I only pick Elba because I think he is great, but he also put in a scary performance, albeit a performance that I feel like I've seen before. But I've also had to sit through five additional "Rocky" movies before I finally felt that I got to a "Rocky" performance that made me feel something. Can the underdog do it again around Oscar time? For some reason I think he might.

Best Support Actress
Winner: Kate Winslet
Who Should Have Won: Kate Winslet
Why: Seeing what Winslet did with Sorkin's dialogue, mixed with the use of her accent, was something I don't think I've ever seen out of the one-time Oscar winner. I think this might be her year again.

Best Screenplay
Winner: Aaron Sorkin
Who Should Have Won: Aaron Sorkin
Why: I base who I think should win on whether I'm hanging on every word that is spoken on screen and nothing really put me on edge in 2015 like "Steve Jobs" did. When you have actors that can read what Sorkin writes, even Seth Rogen who gives a criminally underrated performance, you know you have a special film and a special script. Any other year I would have given this one to Quentin Tarantino, but Sorkin knocks this one out of the park.

Best Director
Winner: Alejandro G. Inarritu
Who Should Have Won: George Miller
Why: Yes, Inarritu has created two exceptionally gimmicky films in back-to-back year, but is his direction the best? I'd lean on the side of no. If you job as a director is to not kill your cast, but bring them right to the edge, sure, he succeeded, but what George Miller did with "Fury Road" was downright shocking. He created a feminist icon, created one of the most talked about and debated films of the year, and not to mention put things on the silver screen that are nearly impossible to direct, yet, he did it, at over the age of 80.

"Shocker" of a Winner: John Hamm for Mad Men
I'm not going to crap on Hamm, I think the guy is cool, affable, and had a great run. But after not winner a Globe for his entire run on "Mad Men" I guess it was time for him to win one, even though there were ballsier performance from the likes of Rami Malek and Wagner Moura.

Actual Shocker of a Winner: Lady Gaga for American Horror Story: Hotel
This one I didn't see coming, and I'm not sure many others did either. Thinking about it, this is actually a ballsy move by the Globes to award this to a genre show like "AHS," so I'm all for it. This one takes the sting away from the wins that felt like "give-aways."

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Matt's Take) Round 2: Four Viewings Later....

I'll still keep this one spoiler-free for now, since there still seems to be a handful of people in this galaxy far, far away that still haven't been able to get to the theater and watch "The Force Awakens." With that being said, I'll just chronicle my last three viewings of the newest "Star Wars" installment before I actually release a spoiler-filled review later this week.

Viewing #2 December 18th

Not even 24 hours had passed before I was in the theater for my 2nd go at "The Force Awakens." This time I went with a buddy from work. The highlight of this viewing was his excitement when a certain character made his triumphant return.

Viewing #3 December 19th

Back in the theater, this time I was with fellow Simplistic Reviewer, DJ Valentine. DJ had also seen the film the night before, so he was going into this film for the 2nd time while I was on round 3. As usual DJ brings some good insight to the film while at the same time being the guy in the theater having fun, namely during the lightsaber fight near the end of the film.

Viewing #4 December 21st

I finally get around to seeing this film with my wife, Nicole, along with her sister and her husband. What I learned that day is that Nicole's sister had never seen any of the "Star Wars" films outside of maybe a few scenes. I guess sister like sister, because Nicole had never seen a "Star Wars" film before we started dating. The highlights for me on this viewing was seeing my wife's reaction to a certain shocking bit of the film and of course when we were leaving the theater and she said "again, again, again." I felt proud that I was able to bring her into this universe and seeing her excitement was worth the price of admission.

Viewing #5 December 22nd

I know this is getting old, and you're probably saying "What the F*ck is your problem?!" but hey, the movie event of the year.....you know. This time around I went with another friend and his wife, with my friend already having seen the film on the 18th as well. Nothing really noteworthy on this viewing, but this might actually be the first time that I've seen a film five times in the theater.

That's about it for this little mini review.

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 60) December 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES



On this holiday episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Matthew's Judeism is put to the test, Justin continues to try and make sense of the Prequels, DJ laments over Die Hard, and the boys have a hell of a time writing letters to Santa, spinning dreidels and breaking down the finale of Fargo.  All this and more on a Ho-Ho-Ho Holiday Show.



NOTES

Quentin vs Disney
Independence Day 2 Trailer
TMNT 2 Trailer
X-Men: Apocalypse Trailer


MUSIC
Die Hard Score By Michael Kamen
Couple Of Misfits By Burt Ives
Christmas Time Is Here By Vince Guaraldi Trio
Christmas In Hollis By Run D.M.C.
Ode To Joy By Ludwig van Beethoven

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Friday, December 18, 2015

Simplistic Theater: Star Wars -The Complete Saga (Episodes I-VI)

George Lucas did it.
Why can't we?
We figured it was best since today
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
comes out. 
So don't get mad and if you would like to write out letter to complain, send that mail to
5858 Lucas Valley Road, Nicasio, CA 94946

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Matt's Take) Round 1, Opening Thoughts

*This will be more of an experience, as opposed to any type of review/critique of Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Pardon some of the course language*

As I plan on seeing this film multiple times over the course of the next few days, I'll be reviewing this film to varying degrees over the next few days, so just stay with me, as well as my fellow reviewers DJ and Justin, as I'm sure they'll have plenty to say about this film as well.

Myself and two friends caught the 8:00 pm showing on Thursday, December 17th, and needless to say, the butterflies were pretty heavy for me. The theater was at capacity and there was a lot of energy; you could feel it, like the Force, it was flowing through you.

With a packed theater you expect a lot of cheers; there was one set for the Lucasfilms logo, and to be honest it was a little weird to not hear the old 20th Century Fox fanfare, thinking about it now, it was actually kind of sad.

Silence....."A long time ago.....in a galaxy far, far away...."


Goosebumps......Episode VII......
......Enter the kid next to me who decides to read the entire scroll......pardon my french....but shut the fuck up kid (more on this kid later).....

Most of this film I held my hand to my face and was transfixed by what I was watching. I imagine this is what people felt like back in 1977.

New faces; old face, "The Force Awakens" truly is something special and brings so many people together. Of course there were cheers when characters showed up, and much to my chagrin, BB-8 got some of the bigger pops in the audience, but I guess people are suckers for cute robots.

Back to that kid, at one point he moved to a sit next to him that was unoccupied; great. But than he had the gall near the end of the film to ask, "is this almost over?" Again, pardon me, but go fuck yourself kid, don't you have school tomorrow?

So in a nutshell, this is my completely non-review of "Star Wars" The Force Awakens" and I'll be back tomorrow with something with a little more meat on it. My friends seemed to enjoy the film as well, and we had a small discussion about what the future might bring, but of course nothing too specific.

With that said; May the Force be with you......and hopefully kid-free.

Countdown to the Force Awakens (Episode VI) - Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

So it all comes down to this; one final review that literally brings us to the moment people have been clamoring for probably since 1983. Granted, I still love "Revenge of the Sith" despite the reservations of my cohorts at Simplistic Reviews, so I've only been waiting for another "Star Wars" movie for ten years. Without further adieu, let's slide right into "Return of the Jedi" from 1983.

"Jedi" picks up soon after the events of "The Empire Strikes Back." A rescue mission has brought our cast of characters to the lair of the vile criminal gangster, Jabba the Hutt on Tattoine to free Han Solo, still frozen in carbonite.

All goes well until Leia, disguised as the bounty hunter Boushh, is found freeing Han from his carbonite prison and becomes Jabba's personal cuddle buddy. However, when all seems lost, enter Luke Skywalker, now a full-blown Jedi Knight to the rescue. But of course, he is captured as well after nearly meeting his demise at the hands of a Rancor.

But like all good plans, there is a third man on the inside; that man is Lando Calrissian, the administrator of this rescue. After traveling out to the Dune Sea of Tattoine; Luke, Han, and Chewbacca all learn their fates that they will be fed to the Sarlacc. Springing into action, Luke is able to free his friends, avoid being eaten, and destroys Jabba's Sail Barge, but only after Leia offs him herself.

After the daring rescue, Luke decides he needs to head back to Dagobah to pay Yoda a visit while the rest of the crew heads off to plan their next move against The Empire. Han, Leia, Chewbacca receive a briefing from Rebel Leaders that a new Death Star is in the works and that the shield generator is hidden on one of the moons of Endor, where Luke re-joins them after the death of Yoda. The adventure continues.....

While on Endor, the group encounter Stormtroopers on Speeder bikes, but more importantly, they encounter the fuzzy inhabitants of Endor, the Ewoks. Luckily before Han, Luke, and the rest of the team become dinner, Luke makes them see the error of their ways and makes the ever-worried, C-3PO as a golden god which the Ewoks worship.

After being freed, Luke decides it's time to face his father, Darth Vader, again, while Han, Leia, Chewbacca and the Ewoks assault the shield generator with the rest of the Rebel fleet ready to attack the Death Star.

Captured by Vader, Luke is taken to the Death Star to meet with Emperor Palpatine who tries to tempt him to follow his father's path to the Dark Side. Luke fights his father in an epic lightsaber duel, but rebuffs The Emperor who tells him to strike Vader down. Finally seeing the error of his says, Vader dispatches Palpatine while saving Luke and redeeming himself in the process.

Meanwhile, on Endor, the shield generator is shutdown and the assault on the Death Star begins as Lando leads the charge in the Millennium Falcon. Needless to say, good prevails and evil is defeated, while Anakin and Luke reconcile in his dying breathe. It all ends with a grand Ewok celebration and Lando clapping his hands.

That's the film in a nutshell, and if you got through my plot ramblings, I'll make my thoughts on this film quick.

While "Jedi" isn't, and will never, eclipse the genius that is "Empire Strikes Back" if you go back and revisit this film over and over there are some incredible things going on. From the relationship between Vader, Luke, and the Emperor, which looking back is such an important part of this film, to Luke's decision to finally face his father and try to bring him back to the light, and of course the final words of Yoda before he becomes one with The Force, there is some powerful stuff, but on the other hand......

.......Ewoks. Yes, Ewoks. You can certainly tell this was a George Lucas decision to include more bankable and economic-generating creatures in a galaxy far, far away, but of course close enough to a Toys R' Us. Maybe if I was of an age when this film came out, I'm sure I would have been begging my parents for a stuffed Ewok, but looking at it now from an objective film-goer, the Ewoks rank up there with the Gungans on useless and annoying "Star Wars" creatures. Sure, stone me for comparing Ewoks with Gungans, but in reality it was Chewbacca that got on that AT-ST and helped defeat the Stormtroopers, not the Ewoks.

Ranking as my #3 (current) film in the "Star Wars" film franchise, "Jedi" has it's share of great scenes and high adventure, but there are just enough quirks and overall annoying creatures that keep this from being #2 on the list.

With that being said, we are here....the moment many have been waiting for for ten long years....The Force has awaken....catch all of you soon.

Countdown to the Force Awakens (Episode V) - Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back


APEX
Why do we love The Empire Strikes Back?  A film that is universally considered the best Star Wars film ever.  A film considered one of the best sci-fi/fantasy films ever.  Is it because we're nerds?  No.  Well...yeah...but it's much more than that.

Maybe it's because the great John Williams, from the Imperial March to the Han and Leia Love Theme, created a score that is not only the oxygen of this universe but a constant manipulator of our heartstrings even today.

Maybe it's because of the Millennium Falcon encapsulates cool, freedom, adventure, and hope with every bank turn and asteroid avoiding barrel roll.


Maybe it's because Jim Henson and Frank Oz, two men responsible for bringing to life a majority of our imaginary friends for decades, brought to life yet another creature with more pathos and iconography than many seasoned actors...all while speaking in some strange form of pig Latin.


Maybe it's because Darth Vader, one of the top 3 best cinematic villains of all time, is more villainous and oddly clever in Empire than he is in any other film in the series...but still manages to make us feel for him at the end?


Maybe it's because the romance between Han and Leia was unconventional, confrontational, mean spirited...and still one of the best, most heartfelt and tragic couplings in cinema history...especially since it was originally supposed to end with Han dying.


Maybe it's because it really took the time it did on the self-actualization and development of Luke Skywalker from a meek farm-boy to a confident and capable Jedi upstart...something that would almost never happen today.


Maybe it's because it had one of the most jaw dropping, franchise-altering, twists of all time during a time where twists weren't a cliched Hollywood trope.


Maybe it's because the camaraderie and love felt between Han and Luke and Leia and Chewie and the Droids didn't seem like some manufactured thing for a movie.  It felt obviously genuine.  So genuine, you didn't need to hear Han and Luke say it when they spoke to each other for the last time in that icy Hoth hangar bay


You didn't need to understand the yelping of Chewie when he took those wookiee arms of his, primarily used for tearing off droid arms, and snatched Luke up in a hug.


You didn't need to hear Han tell Leia "I love you too" before he was frozen in carbonite. We knew just like he did.


Maybe it's because George Lucas had the foresight and humility to relinquish the reigns of his creation to another director who had a better understanding of how to bring the heart out of the film.


To be honest, it's all those things and more.  The Empire Strikes Back is the bar.  It is the very APEX of the Star Wars universe and countless childhoods.  It is what every sci-fi adventure film has aspired to be as good as...but not presume to ever be better than.  Because there is nothing that will eclipse The Godfather...nothing that will eclipse Psycho...nothing that will eclipse The Shawshank Redemption...and NOTHING that will eclipse The Empire Strikes Back.  It will forever hold a place in our heart.  AND I DIDN'T EVEN MENTION HOW AWESOME LANDO IS!!!!


Accept Captain Needa's apology...watch out for mynocks...never tell me the odds...watch it...then tell me I'm wrong.

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