A Simplistic Review: Justice League Dark: Apokolips War

Look. I rarely write reviews anymore. I typically save my written praise or vitriol for something that truly affects me. A Mad Max: Fury Road or a Last Jedi. Most of the time, I let the ones smarter than I break down the films and TV shows because I have a tendency to lean into my emotions on things when breaking down their strengths or weaknesses. But then there are some emotions I can not quell. Some emotions that wake me up in the middle of the night on a Saturday and have me pouring my thoughts down on paper as though I were in a trance. And in this film's case, it is a trance of pure hatred. So, let's talk about the latest and last film in the current DC Animated Universe as presently constituted. Let's talk about Justice League Dark: Apokolips War. (Slight Spoilers)

I am sick and tired of living in an era of entertainment where filmmakers taking over a classic property are keen on tearing down said classic property, leaving it unrecognizable to what it is intended to be and doing it under the thin veil of  "it's different" or "subverted expectations". If you are going to deconstruct a character as classic as Superman or Batman or Wonder Woman or the Justice League and it not be a satire like the Harley Quinn animated show, you better have a deft hand. A brilliant hand. The hands behind Justice League Dark: Apokolips War did not act with any deftness or brilliance that I could see. To me, they acted with the intent of a 14-year-old bully tearing apart a kid's comic books because they think comics are stupid and wanted to see how the kid would react by doing so.

Talk about the film? Right. Sorry.  The "film" centers around the Justice League's assault on the villainous Darkseid and his planet of Apokolips and the fallout after the battle, seen through the eyes of the always reluctant John Constantine. And from the word "go"...they f*%k up Superman. From...the word..."go"! The beacon of hope and truth and justice and pragmatism makes a brash decision to have the JLA attack and kill...KILL...Darkseid, a guy who would dishrag Thanos without a second blush. A decision Superman so fervently believes in, he throws a rage-filled destructive hissy fit when he is questioned. Questioned with reason and logic by, of all people, Lex friggin' Luthor. So right there, ten minutes into this film, I checked out. And I still had an hour in a half to go. But I knew it wouldn't get better because in this short time the creators of this film have shown me they either hate Superman or think he's an irrational idiot. And by association, they've made Batman and Wonder Woman equally stupid by having them go along with this plan. Batman puts his literal kids in harm's way to go along with a murder plan that is about a step away from "Hulk Smash" in terms of strategy on Darkseid.

If I have to point to things I liked, it would be Matt Ryan as Constantine. The guy certainly loves this character since he's been playing him in some iteration since 2014, and it shows. This is likely his last time voicing him and that saddens me. He and his relationship with Etrigan the Demon and the callously refrigeratored  Zatanna were the only cool breeze in this burning desert of disappointment I had.

I'm sure people love this sorta thing and that's their right. But I hate it. I hate lazy, A to let's skip B and C so we can just get to D, shock and awe storytelling solely to gain shock and awe through the quickest route. I used to think the Killing Joke animated film was the worst, most offensive DC animated film I'd seen, but this hateful film is by far the worst. I will never watch it again and may just stay away from DC animation for a while until I hear overwhelmingly good things from people I trust. Going in, I didn't even know they were resetting the DC Animated Universe. After I found this out, I was even more upset. This...this is how you're going to do it?

If you want to see a good, smart, respectful, enjoyable approach to this same story and enemy and material...watch the last few episodes of Justice League Unlimited. There they actually give Darkseid, the villain, a motivation, a character, and even bother to mention things like the Anti-Life Equation. What's that you ask? Oh, nothing. Just the one thing Darkseid has ever cared about. Is it mentioned in Justice League Dark: Apokolips War? No...but hey look! One of your favorite comic book characters was just torn in half with their guts splattering on the pseudo camera. Cool huh? Who needs motivation when you can just wallow in displays of base instincts.

Justice League Dark: Apokolips War is like if Eli Roth was forced at gunpoint by Martin Scorsese to make a DC film that would take away the allure of comic book movies forever so people would pay to watch a four hour Irishman re-release. If you think it's fantastic if comic book characters act uncharacteristically while dying horribly, disturbingly, and vacantly with all the gravitas of a jump scare in a bad Blumhouse movie, go and enjoy Justice League Dark: Apokolips War. A film that made me believe the actual apocalypse couldn't be as bad.

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(Ep. 124): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast - August 2019

On this back to school episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. William Davis Moore, from Miscast Entertainment, sits in for the vacationing Matthew Stewart. The boys discuss...well...The Boys...TV series...they also briefly discuss the only Oscar-winning film to have a money shot in it (Can you guess what it is?)...they tackle the TransAtlantic accent and finally reveal the real person behind Warner Brothers. All That and Moore...see what I did there? Because William Davis Moore is on the...nevermind...All that and some stoking of the flames surrounding that old rumor about William Shatner's late wife...yeah we went there...on the August Edition of the Simplistic Review Podcast.

NOTES

Shatner's Wife

The Boys Airplane Scene

The TransAtlantic Accent

Pennyworth

Lobo on Krypton

Lex Luthor Stole 40 Cakes

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(Ep. 123): Stone Cold - Movie Commentary: August 2019

Stone Cold

R 1991 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 35m

A street-smart cop goes undercover to infiltrate and bring to justice a ruthless motorcycle gang before they can carry out their plans of tyranny and murder.

Release date: May 17, 1991 (USA)

Director: Craig R. Baxley

MGM...oh MGM. Your copyright happy trigger finger was at it again. Nothing like editing Stone Cold a few times only to have you take it down again and again. Fun stuff MGM...fun stuff.

Take a journey with DJ and Justin to a simpler time, were MGM made fun and exciting movies existed. Sure, MGM has lost it ways these days but there was a time they made enjoyable films. No, I'm not salty over the pull downs - but Stone Cold is a fun ride. And lets not pull punches here, no one pulls off the business in the front and party in the back like Brian mother F-ing Bosworth!

So, take a ride with us as we watch 90s Stone Cold and now faith-based action star, The Boz!

Yeah, the guy from Stone Cold does faith based action movies now, hey everyone has to make a living.

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A Simplistic Review: Once Upon a Time In...Hollywood

As you get older you come to TERMS with many things. One, getting older; Two, time is running out to leave a mark on the world; and maybe even three is the fact that people are simply waiting in the wings to call you out for being a hack or completely undeserving of your success.

For all intents and purposes, I'm talking about Quentin Tarantino's newest film, "Once Upon a Time in...Hollywood," and while I might have more quibbles with this film more than his pervious eight (or nine if you include the damn near perfect "Death Proof") "Hollywood" is a film about a Hollywood in which Tarantino fell in love with in a time where America was, perhaps, as fractured as it is right now.

As in many of QT's later films, starting with "Inglourious Basterds," he subverts expectations and creates a world he wants to live in on his own TERMS.

Top to bottom, the performances are great but the pacing drags in parts. We get some fresh foot shots that have been missing from his last couple of films, and you have to love that QT still loves him some feet.

Ultimately, where does this film fall in the Tarantino filmography. We critics love this, we live for these moments where we can tell YOU how good this film is! Sure, lists are super fun, and while I personally put this in my lower 3rd of his filmography, the fact remains that even with his being what I might think one of his "weakest" entires, it's still better than 98% of films being released on a weekly basis.

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A Simplistic Review: Spider-Man: Far From Home

I've certainly been sitting on this review for a while, but after a fair amount of thought, it was time to say what I think about "Spider-Man: Far From Home." After the grandeur of "Endgame" the end of MCU's Phase Three just feels SMALL.

This is of course a film that takes places over four different countries, has dazzling "special effects," another great villain that ties perfectly into the MCU, but there is still something about it that pales in comparison, and perhaps that's unfair, but its where we are right now as we enter a new Phase of Marvel films; I'm saying that a Spider-Man film looks SMALL.

This is why people say we can't have nice things... 

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(Ep. 122): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast July 2019

Happy Fourth Of July! A holiday you that’s best with the fireworks that only the Simplistic Reviews Podcast can give you. On this return episode, the boys discuss what they did on their summer break, which includes hospital visits that lead to an interaction with Michael Keaton, their top 3 episodes of Black Mirror, some of Quincy Jones’ best hits…on fellow celebrities, and how much they would need to get paid to let a female soccer player kick them in the nethers. And to top it off, they play the explosive game Simplistic Submarine. All that and more on this comeback episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast


MUSIC Fast Times By IDOLS
Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander
Variety Time By Tim Garland


NOTES 
Alex Morgan 
Quincy Jones Rumor About Brando
Black Mirror

 

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Cashville Rules Everything Around Me: Wu-Tang Clan Makes History at The Ryman

It's an understatement to say seminal hip-hop collective, Wu-Tang Clan, set a standard for all of shows that will come follow at The Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, TN after their show on Sunday night.

The Mother Church of Country turned into "The Mother F'n Church of Hip-Hop," if only for one night.

Courtesy of The Ryman @theryman 

Founded in 1892, The Ryman Auditorium is a fixture in Nashville, hosting everyone from Johnny Cash, the Frist Jubilee Singers, Dolly Parton, The Grand Ole Opry, and even Elvis Presley (even if it was only one time). But this time the stage was home to RZA, GZA, "Young" Dirty Bastard, Inspectach Deck, Raekwon the Chef, U-God, Ghostface Killah, Master Killa, Cappadonna, and Method Man performing, in "nearly" its entirety, the record that re-established New York hip-hop as a viable product; 1993's "Enter the Wu-Tang" 36 Chambers."

Along with "36 Chambers" the Clan also performed favorites from "Wu-Tang Forever" like "Reunited," "Ice Cream" from Raekwon's "Only Built 4 Cuban Links" and even Cappadonna got his moment with a verse from one of my personal favorite's "Run" from his debut album, "The Pillage."

The energy was high from the crowd from the beginning to the end.

Courtesy @vaughnphillip via Instagram 

RZA led the way most of the show, appreciating the moment and getting the crowd hyped for what came next, and was more than happy the spray Moet into the crowd and even give those in the front row some much deserved Hennessy. I'm sure it Captain Tom Ryman new that one day Hennessy and Moet would cover the floors of his beloved Tabernacle Church he probably wouldn't believe you. 

Other highlights included the DJ interlude from resident Wu DJ, Mathematics, who, little trivia for you, actually created the Might Wu "W" that so many guests had adorned on their shirts and hats. There was also the inclusion of Street Life into the show as he joined Method Man for a few verses of "Grid Iron Rap."

But hey, there is always a nit pick with shows like this.

Courtesy of @graperunner via Instagram

With the group all nearly in late 40s or early 50s, you could see the energy tamper out about an hour into the show, namely GZA. At times he seemed pretty disengaged from the show and walked off stage numerous times, including during the encore of Ghostface's "Charchez La Ghost." Sure, the show seemed to have broken down by then as the remained members starting letting audience members on the stage to start dancing, but hey, it's all in fun.

And as any hip-hop show goes, the audio is always tricky. The background music drowned out the MCs more often than not, but if you've ever been to a rap show, you probably know this is a pretty regular occurrence, and the typical motif of every member of the Wu rapping over each other.

But those are quibbles that in no way took away from what this show really was; a moment in Nashville, and Ryman, history that can't be taken away. A historic rap collective put it's stamp on a city that many people blame for being "New Nashville" and not the Nashville they grew up with. Sure, this might open up more doors for hip-hop to be a more common occurrence at the Ryman, but a generational group like Wu-Tang Clan won't be around "forever." 

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A Simplistic Review: Wu-Tang Clan: Of Mics and Men

Rap groups come and go. Many have an expiration date, I mean just look at most of the groups from the last 90s and 2000s. Record companies chewed them up and spit them out, but hey, it could have also meant they just weren't very good either.

But as the old adage goes, "Wu-Tang is Forever," even if it shows how FRACTURED they are after you watch Showtime's "Wu-Tang Clan: Of Mics and Men."

The four-part series peers behind the curtain during their making of THE SEMINAL hip-hop record of the 90s "Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers" shows how they beat the music system by signing a lucrative record deal for each member, but also shows the dark side of management and how the death of Ol' Dirty Bastard essentially imploded the group.

It's a personal look, and plays like an intervention as the group gathers to watch old footage and wax lyrical on their struggles with each other and how the business has changed during their nearly 30 year run. 

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Simplistic Interviews: Producer Heather Buckley, of "The Ranger"

On this Simplistic Interview, we sit down with Heather Buckley, producer of the 2018 horror film "The Ranger."

From days writing at Fangoria Magazine to pitching films at Cannes and South by Southwest, Matt and Heather discuss what it was that got her into horror, how inclusion is shaping the horror genre, and essentially how she is an encyclopedia of genre knowledge. Oh, and of course punk rock!

Follow her all over social media too!

Twitter: @_HeatherBuckley
Instagram: www.instagram.com/_heatherbuckley

And of course check out "The Ranger!"

Twitter: @TheRangerMovie
Instagram: @therangermovie
Streaming on Shudder, Amazon Prime, and anywhere else where you can find great horror flicks.

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A Simplistic Review: Ma (2019)

There's nothing like a slow BURN. Just enough time to get some fire in your belly while you wait for everything to really start popping off. That's the delicious BURN I got from Octavia Spencer and "Ma" this weekend.

First thing's first, I'm always a fan of actors or actresses that have won big awards, namely Oscars, and continue to work in the genre field. Spencer looks like she is having the time of her life playing the Veterinarian-turned-psychopath, but there is some meat to this story that cribs ideas from flicks like "Carrie" "The People Under the Stairs" and maybe even "Fatal Attraction."

"Ma" BURNS the house down in it's final 20 or so minutes and creates a memorable new heavy that rivals the likes of Alex Forrest and Anne Wilkes.

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A Simplistic Review: Booksmart (2019)

Man...so people are pissed! Apparently no one saw "Booksmart" over the Memorial Day holiday weekend. The unofficial kickoff to the Summer movie season! People instead saw a live action Disney remake, the story of an unstoppable assassin and they even saw superheroes punch super-villains in the face instead of a film about white people with white problems...what a shock.

Look, I know people are already taking SIDES on "Booksmart." Excuses included;

It's Annapurna's fault for putting it out wide during the holiday. The audience is stupid and doesn't appreciate indie comedies. People aren't ready for female and/or queer leads in their coming-of-age comedies. The list goes on and on...

Honestly, "Booksmart" is fun. I laughed out loud a couple of times. But it's also a derivative story that I've seen before.

Yes, having extensive LGBTQ representation is great, but it's almost window dressing for the main story; friends at the end of their high school friendship. And the problem for so long is still using the LGBTQ community as the side gig to the problems of the straight community. Amy (played by Kaitlyn Dever) shows the struggle and anxiety of being gay, but it just seems to be...I don't know...selling it short. But what do I know, I'm a straight, married, white male.

I digress, I liked "Booksmart" butI also like "Superbad." I guess that shows where I'm at.

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A Simplistic Review: Under the Silver Lake

I see what David Robert Mitchell was doing here.

Hmm, or maybe I don't...regardless.

So you have this KOOKY film, "Under the Silver Lake," where you have Andrew Garfield doing his best impression of Jeff Daniels' The Dude, while he tries to figure out a conspiracy theory that would make Brian De Palma, Alfred Hitchcock and David Lynch blush.

On the surface, I really dig this flick. It's so.....KOOKY. It really has no purpose, it's mainly a series of vignettes that's held together by an insane premise, but it works if you stick with it.

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(Ep. 121): Fire Down Below - Movie Commentary: May 2019

We started this new year off with a film from 90's action star and serial eater, Steven Seagal's Hard to Kill! We continue the Seagal Saga with Fire Down Below, you know the EPA action film...no not that one...the other one...yeah there is another EPA action film.

Fire Down Below

1997 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 45m

Description

When an EPA representative is discovered dead in a small Midwestern town, government agent Jack Taggart (Steven Seagal) goes undercover to check things out. He finds that local coal mogul Orin Hanner Sr. (Kris Kristofferson) is cutting financial corners by disposing of hazardous waste wherever he pleases and that local kids are falling ill because of this recklessness. Taggart then works to stop the shady activity and save the town, but Hanner and his thugs soon grow suspicious of him.

Initial release: December 13, 1997 (South Korea)

Director: Félix Enríquez Alcalá

Budget: 42 million USD

Box office: 16.2 million USD

Music composed by: Nick Glennie-Smith

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A Simplistic Review: John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum

There is always a question of who is the BADDEST...

Lance Riddick is the BADDEST concierge.
Halle Berry and Angelica Houston are the BADDEST chicks.
Ian McShane is the BADDEST Hotel Manager.
Mark Dacascos has the BADDEST crew of Indonesian BADASSES this side of Southeast Asia.

oh...

Keanu Reeves is the BADDEST man in "John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum."

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A Simplistic Review: Scary Stories (2019)

Censorship is nothing new. In fact it's a long held American TRADITION to censor things that we are afraid of or we think are doing to destroy the youth.

"We have to protect the youth!" said the old, out of touch white, and black, folk.

But there is also the TRADITION of fighting against the onslaught of people telling other people what to do.

Let's not forget about the TRADITION of tell stories that have been passed on from culture to culture to generations upon generations. "Scary Stories" is the documentary that will hit the nerve of nostalgia while also showing how the culture of censorship continues to plague us as a society.

Click HERE for our interview with the director of "Scary Stories," Cody Meirick. If you want to found out more about this film, click HERE. 

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A Simplistic Review: The Ranger (2018)

Well someone had to take these big city punks down a peg or two!

The MERIT badge for making a National Park Ranger the big bad in this 80s inspired "killer in the woods" romp goes to Jenn Wexler.

"The Ranger" is a tidy 80 minutes long and gets to the point without going over a pain-staking backstory for our heroine and how she fell into a gang of drug-dealing punk rockers.

Good gore, good villain, with a rocking soundtrack and score.

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A Simplistic Review: Avengers: Endgame (Spolier-Free)

Over a decade of storytelling, 22 films, BILLIONS of dollars invested, and this is what we get?!

Let me just give a BOW of respect for what Paramount, Marvel, Disney, Sony, Fox, and anyone else who was involved in the creation of the MCU and the on again, off again relationship all the studios have had in order to generate this juggernaut which has led to "Avengers: Endgame."

I swelled up and cried a lot in this film, because at the end of the day, strip away the bombastic characters, large scale battles, and all the special effects, because this "Endgame" is a character driven story with superheroes you've spent the better part of your life around.

There is something to be said about what The Russo Brothers have done here. They created a large scale film with pathos to spare and also enough moments that had your bursting at the seems with excitement. This decade-long journey to the inevitable culmination is huge, it's exciting, and it's something that we all just need to take in and enjoy because it's special.

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(Ep. 120): Guns - Movie Commentary: April 2019

April 26 is here!

Sure, the mystery movie commentaries were fun. But you knew what you wanted and we knew what you needed. So today we give it like it has never been given...That is why, for no other reason, April 26 was circled on our calendars.

A date we know a lot of you have been counting down towards.

A date that will most likely go down in movie history.

April 26, 2019.

The date Simplistic Reviews finally watched...Guns!

Guns

1990 ‧ Thriller/Drama ‧ 1h 36m

Description

Initial release: November 9, 1990

Director: Andy Sidaris

A South American gunrunner (Erik Estrada) uses an island in Hawaii as his base of operations. A squad of beautiful government airfreighters Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) agents is sent to put him out of business.

Shit yeah! Andy Sidaris! The Sidaris Cinematic Universe continues of the greatest movie series ever! Bombs! Bullets and Babes! This isn't no children's Endgame, this is real shit!

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A Simplistic Review: Guava Island

There's nothing wrong with VANITY projects. Big music stars have done it for decades. "Purple Rain" with Prince, "Michael Jackson's Moonwalker," "Cool as Ice" with Vanilla Ice and who could forget "Swept Away" with the indomitable Madonna. Hmmm, come to think of it...maybe there is something wrong with them.

"Guava Island" is a 55-minute music video for Donald Glover where he gets to weave in some of his newer songs into a film about putting on a festival on a island that is under the control of a guy named Red Cargo who doesn't want his works to have Sunday off.

Oh, Rihanna is also in this film.

It's fine, and the opening animation scene reminded of something out of "Coco" and of course the public infatuation will continue for Glover, for good reason of course, the dude is super talented.

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A Simplistic Review: Pet Sematary (2019)

Let it be known that 2019's "Pet Sematary" remake is a REMINDER that yes, sometimes dead is better...

No matter what I say people are going to continue to translate Stephen King's work into films, but man, has there been any one source that has the up-and-down's like King's material.

After the remake of "It" hit big back in 2017, it was open season on getting back on King's D and trying another remake; that one happened to be this year's "Sematary."

Sure, there are a couple of things that I like about this remake, but the acting is wooden and it almost feels like the filmmakers are trying to have their cake and eat it too. Is this flick high brown or low brow horror? How much can we change to make this story feel fresh, etc...

Sure, I don't expect a new generation to check out the original from 1989, considering no one wants to watch an old movie, let's just dive into a remake, but hopefully this is a lesson that not every film deserves that much coveted remake treatment.

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