Night of the Slasher

Night of the Slasher - Homage

HOMAGE

A list of things to enjoy in 11 minutes:

-A bowl of soup
-Reading a great article in a magazine
-Taking a good crap
-Watching a YouTube video (hopefully one of ours)
-Having a good wank
-Enjoying the pleasures of another

I mean right there, that's a pretty good list. But let's add one more to that list now. Watching the short horror film "Night of the Slasher."

Now, this is something that I've been on the hunt for for a while. It hit the festival circuit pretty hard and gained a loyal following of fans ever since. Now, since the Internet is such a wonderful (but still horrible) invention, anyone who missed it while it did its rounds, can see it in all its HD glory right on Vimeo!

The plot, simply put, puts a young, big-chested, scantily clad young lady in the cross hairs of a Spock-mask wearing slasher as she desecrates the hollowed trinity of slasher movie sins; drink, do drugs, and have sex.

The added gimmick is that the short is filmed all in one take. There are a ton of whip pans throughout the short so I'm skeptical on the technique as those pans would be easy ways to hide an edit or two, but overall the camerawork is neat, the acting is fun, and the overall premise is entertaining and.....fun. It's a perfect homage for those who grew up on slasher horror of the 1980s. Every cliche is throw into this short and it's proof positive that Shant Hamassian grew up on this genre.

Do yourself a favor and CLICK HERE, and enjoy "Night of the Slasher."

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Ouija: Origin of Evil

   Ouija 2 - Origin of Evil: Enjoyable

2016 ‧ Thriller/Horror ‧ 1h 39m

Trailer 

 

In 1967 Los Angeles, widowed mother Alice Zander (Elizabeth Reaser) unwittingly invites authentic evil into her home by adding a new stunt to bolster her séance scam business. When the merciless spirit overtakes her youngest daughter Doris (Lulu Wilson), the small family must confront unthinkable fears to save her and send her possessor back to the other side.

Release date: October 21, 2016

Director: Mike Flanagan

I don't really know what to say here but I kinda enjoyed this movie. That's right, I enjoyed Ouija 2. You know that board game that Universal Pictures made into a movie a few years back? It did somewhat good, despite it being a poor excuse of what qualifies for a movie. It was one of the worst movies I have ever seen and still they decided to make a sequel, and not just a sequel but a time period prequel that Justin somehow enjoyed watching.

"A prequel superior to its predecessor"

Okay. First lets just get this out of the way. Studios are scratching the barrel for ideas that already have somewhat of a foundation. Original ideas are all but lost. Remakes, sequels and re-imagined all but rule at the box offices. And we just had "the worst summer of movies" and the future doesn't seem like any of this will be changing.

Ouija 2: Origin of Evil recently came out with me not hearing a damn thing about it. It was last Podcast Ep. 77 when we saw a sequel had already been out and the ratings were pretty solid. I was shocked and couldn't believe this was out. On top of that it was rated extremely better then the first one. A few nights later I was able to leave work early and I decide I would go check it out.


And yes I enjoyed it! Was it the best film a saw in years? No but it was pretty fun to watch. The thing about Ouija 2 is it kinda knows what it is. With the first one everything was taken so serious but here things are a bit more tight and laughed about. In fact there is a couple funny moments in this film that played very well with the audience (Maybe 20 in the showing). It was one of those films where people were yelling out stuff at the crappy moments and laughing at the jokes. Sure the movie isn't perfect but damn I kinda enjoyed watching it. Let me just state my reason of liking it was do to the fact it was goofy and crew I believe knew right down to the script what this film really would be. The first film thought is was scary, yet it wasn't and even the bad was nothing to laugh at.

Ouija: Origin of Evil was an enjoying film to watch at the theater. Surprising but a joy to watch. Thumbs up Mike Flanagan!

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Millennial Horror - 2002 Halloween: Resurrection

Halloween: Resurrection - Sad

SAD

Suffice to say, the "Halloween" franchise has had it's ups-and-downs. While the 1978 classic is universally revered and beloved for it's villain and perfection of the "slasher" genre in horror, from "Halloween 2" onward, the luster faded quickly. Personally, I love the "Halloween" franchise despite the degeneration in quality over the years, but nothing could have prepared me for what I would see in the "final" installment of the canon story-line (I'm not counting the Rob Zombie versions). "Halloween: Resurrection" is that special kind of film that will surely leave you wondering, "what in the actual f*ck...."

The easy way to review this film is that while some people might think it's funny, it's incredibly cringe-worthy, and the final EPIC fight between Michael Myers and Busta Rhymes (yes, Busta Rhymes) is just sad, sad, and sad. In it's own way, its now a punching bag for how bad acting and horror had become in 2002.

The only interesting thing about this film is the fate of Jamie Lee Curtis' Laurie Strode, which is ballsy, but not all that surprising as the series had grown so stale that something drastic had to be done, is the lead thoroughly buried enough for you?

That's all that can really be said about "Halloween: Resurrection." It's just that bad that actually thinking about it just make me want to stop thinking about it....I mean this film was so bad where it was at this point where the decision was made to go through with an entire remake/reboot/re-hash, whatever you want to call it.

The cast is a laughable group of stereotypes that we've all seen in numerous other "teen-centric" fare, but Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes, the zeitgeist at the time, like I've said before, put a rapper and/or a model in a horror film, boom, Marketing 101. The film will suck, but at least that first week at the box office will be gangbusters.

You might think, "Wow, Matt loves horror...why is he ripping this movie apart?" Well, just let the clip(s) below marinate and I'll get back to you on the next review....

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CUTTING ROOM FLOOR - From Podcast Ep. 77

A clip cut from Podcast Ep. 77 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!

Podcast 77

On this spooktacular Halloween episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss everything that goes bump in the night...from Deadpool director woes to a Captain Planet film from Leo. Matthew solves the mystery that is the Madea films. And the boys try to guess each other's Halloween costumes in a segment we're calling What Are You Supposed To Be. All that and more on this pumpkin spice latte version of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

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CUTTING ROOM FLOOR - From Podcast Ep. 76

A clip cut from Podcast Ep. 76 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!

Podcast 76

Hey everyone! Welcome to another Movie Commentary. Halloween is creeping up on us so we're continuing with some more movies about murdering. Only this time its a grown man trapped into the workings of a children's doll. (Cue Disney themed music)

Whats that?! Another bloody movie commentary that involves children? Yeah we know. Listen we didn't plan this out, it was purely random. But hey guess what? Luck is on our side because Child's Play 2 is a million times better then that last one, especially in story structure.

So sit back and watch out for that old toy you forgot about in your closet. You know the one that you witness a man doing black magic on when Dad and you went to the bank that one time. Sure you remember, don't you? You know when the cops came and shot up the place? And as he pulled his bullet riddled-bloody body, he knew the only way to live was to transport his soul into your favorite toy?

No...why would you...that was me.

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(Ep. 77): SR Podcast - October 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this spooktacular Halloween episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss everything that goes bump in the night...from Deadpool director woes to a Captain Planet film from Leo. Matthew solves the mystery that is the Madea films. And the boys try to guess each other's Halloween costumes in a segment we're calling What Are You Supposed To Be. All that and more on this pumpkin spice latte version of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES
Madea film
Westworld
John Phillips
Pitch
Captain Planet by Leo

MUSIC
Halloween Theme by John Carpenter
It's The Great Pumpkin Waltz by Vince Guaraldi
Who Can It Be Now by Men At Work 

Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Letterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep.76): Child's Play 2 - Movie Commentary: Oct 2016

Child's Play 2 

Play trailer on YouTube

1990 ‧ Slasher/Thriller ‧ 1h 24m  

Movie Commentary Friday! (Is that a thing?)

Hey everyone! Welcome to another Movie Commentary. Halloween is creeping up on us so we're continuing with some more movies about murdering. Only this time its a grown man trapped into the workings of a children's doll. (Cue Disney themed music)

Whats that?! Another bloody movie commentary that involves children? Yeah we know. Listen we didn't plan this out, it was purely random. But hey guess what? Luck is on our side because Child's Play 2 is a million times better then that last one, especially in story structure.

So sit back and watch out for that old toy you forgot about in your closet. You know the one that you witness a man doing black magic on when Dad and you went to the bank that one time. Sure you remember, don't you? You know when the cops came and shot up the place? And as he pulled his bullet riddled-bloody body, he knew the only way to live was to transport his soul into your favorite toy?

No...why would you...that was me.

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Announcement! ---UPDATE--- We're BACK ONLINE!

UPDATE

Podcasts are back online.

Find them at...

iTunes:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/simplistic-reviews-podcast/id586104022?mt=2

Google Play Music:

https://play.google.com/music/m/Itsiwcwi3b3pqqqbecfj63zz7bu?t=Simplistic_Reviews_Podcasting

Tunein: 

http://tunein.com/radio/Simplistic-Reviews-Podcast-p673741/

Sticher: 

http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/simplistic-reviews

 __________________________________________________________________

Hey everyone! Podcasts will be back up soon. We have been moving things around and doing some cool things. Youtube still has the podcasts to fill that listening cavity.

Give use a few more days and all will be back! Thanks everyone!

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Trailer Hot Take: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story Trailer #2

Full disclosure: Up to this point, I had really only seen the teaser trailers. I'm trying to go into this newest, or older, Star Wars experience with as little information as possible. Of course, many of us know the fate of the people we are going to meet in "Rogue One" but it's going to be the journey and emotional attachment that we fell when we all watch this one, two three, four, or however many times you're going to decide to see this in the theater (I'll dial it back from my seven times in the theater for "The Force Awakens").

Without further adieu, let's breakdown some of the highlights from this newest trailer for "Rogue One."

It's always cool to see a moisture evaporator with an Empire transport ship in the background

Looks like Mads is filming a sequel for both Valhalla Rising and Doctor Strange at the same time

Jyn in a cage with an alien friend

Jedi Rock Formations...but on what planet?

Rogue....Rogue One

Krennic speaking with the Dark Lord of the Sith himself

We have hope....Rebellions are built on hope...

This still doesn't do true justice to what is actually happening here...

Definitely reminds me of a young Zev Senesca

The goosebump moment that we all knew was coming, but still....

Overall, a bone-chilling trailer that should put to sleep most of the bad publicity this film has been getting the last few months. This trailer plays to many emotions, and yes, while some of the dialogue and catchphrases will come off as a tad bit contrite and cliche, that doesn't mean this is going to be a bad film, not one bit. Is it a Hollywood Blockbuster? Of course, but this trailer sold to me the notion that the people making this little "one-off stories" care about the lore, fans, and the universe that has been expertly crafted, most of the time, since 1977.

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3 Simplistic Things: September 2016

A little late getting around to this post, but here goes nothing...

We had a "Debate"

If that's what you want to call it...let's face it, we're fu*ked either way....

Fear of a Black Man-let

The early returns are in, and while Netflix's Luke Cage is a solid show, critics are pretty split. Of yeah, and this show proves that white people still are still scared of strong and independent black characters and themes that don't support their white agenda....and a white guy is writing this! White AmeriKKKa...please grow up and just appreciate progress...

The Day the Radio Died

Enough said....

Til next month folks....kthnxbye

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Millennial Horror - 2001: Thir13en Ghosts

THERE

Thir13en Ghosts -There

Getting into the 2016 Halloween spirit, we are going to pick up right where we left off in 2015. In case you missed it, "Scream 3" was our last attempt and to keep the good times rolling let's revisit another lackluster horror attempt from the early 2000s, namely 2001, with "Thir13en Ghosts" a remake of William Castle's 1960 classic "13 Ghosts."

To be honest, this isn't a bad film. It's got some great set pieces, I love the ghost designs, and the stories behind them, but just like most Dark Castle-produced, there always seems to be something missing. Maybe it's the lack of scares, the over, or poor, acting, or maybe even the inclusion of dated pop culture zeitgeist, ie, Marilyn Manson's "Sweet Dreams' in "The House on Haunted Hill" and using rappers as actors (stay tuned for a review from a film for 2002 coming soon). I guess at the end of the day, you have to take the good with the bad.

The gist of "Ghosts" is that there is this guy trying to collect ghosts in order to powerful machine that would essentially make him a god. He is only missing the Thirteenth Ghost in order to finally bring the machine to full power. A pretty straight forward plot that is at times style-over-substance, but just like many Dark Castle-produced fare, the films are dumb and fun.

The ghosts in the film are interesting, each with their own little mythology and the makeup effects are really quite impressive. With so much emphasis on digital effects in modern horror, it's great to see actual, live people in costumes, it really is a lost art.

The acting is pretty hokey and just plain bad, but again, you take the good with the bad and it doesn't take you out of the film too badly, but yeah, when it's bad, it's bad.

Overall, "Ghosts" is a fun little remake with some nice production design, but plenty of flaws, but that doesn't mean it's unwatchable, besides maybe Rah Digga's acting, you won't be spitting bars, you might just spit up.

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Ep. 75: Beware! Children at Play - Movie Commentary: October 2016

Welcome to another Friday Night Family Movie Night!

 Beware! Children at Play

1hr 34mins | Horror | 1989

Well that happened...

DJ and Justin just watched Beware Children at Play. And...Well...It's not so great. It is a slow boring movie that only picks up right at the end. Sure the topic of murdering demoniac crazy children is a fun idea to use in a movie but if you don't do anything with it then its pretty lousy. Hopefully the movie next time is a bit more enjoyable to watch, because even though this trailer looked amazing, the final product was just lame.

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR

Ep. 75 with Movie Background

Ep. 75 without Movie Background

:)

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